Happiness

The boys are just so super duper cute so I intentionally went out with them today to take some photos. Koen didn't really smile until we got home and had a freezie but that's my Kokies! I just want to say that for the first time, in probably 5 years, I feel like I'm approaching a 9.5/10 in happiness. It doesn't mean that I'm always happy, it just means that I'm super content and I can reach those moments of pure joy and happiness. For the last 5 years, there had just been this cloud of some suckiness happening (dad heart attack, dad cancer, mom cancer, mom dying, dad dating and marrying-don't worry Joanne, we love you, it was just an adjustment!, C-section recoveries, Graves' disease with a super wild thyroid). This cloud meant that my happy factor could maybe reach a 7/10. Not bad, just not what it once was. So, to share some photos of the reason why I take them....here are a few of my beautiful boys!

(Please note Koen's forehead. There was a slinky incident. The boys used to each pull on an end and go as far apart as they could. This last time, it snapped in half. Oops)

(I'm going to edit this one above later on because I really like it....)

Have a great day!!

Love, Louise

17 Months And Stuff

I first want to say that my friend (colleague and fellow football player) lost her dad to cancer today. He was diagnosed just one month ago. I wish I could fast forward this part for her but I know that in all the funeral planning, remembering, and grieving, there is healing. It just sucks. I feel bad going on with a blog about my every day life but I just find that it's healthy for me to focus on the little joys in my life. There is no great segue, so excuse the big jump.

My little baby is 17 months old now. What a joy (like I said, no segue). While Kai makes me laugh and roll my eyes, Koen makes me smile. He's such a mischievous, brave, lovable little monkey.

(Koen with auntie Trish)

He loves playing hockey (hot-tee) with his big brother and can handle a stick quite decently! He also loves baths, swings and slides, going in the Ergo (when I ask him if he wants to go in the carrier, he runs at me with so much force, he loves it!), food (he is a little pickier than his older brother in regards to fruits and veggies), and animals (especially birdies).

At Kai's party day, Koen walked right up to the line were the kids were. It was so precious as he made sure that his feet were behind the line.

Everyone who sees him says he looks like an old man. I think it's because his hair is just like my dad's...all fluffy on top! He brings smiles to everyone wherever he goes. I feel a bit bad for Kai because once your kid turns 3, people aren't so interested in them anymore.

(Yummy taco salad in a tortilla bowl...just brush some oil and cumin and salt on the tortilla and put it in a muffin tin and bake for 8 min at 350F! We ate our salad with our hands last night:))

Koen is working on a bunch of teeth but still just has the 8. He (dare I say it???) has been sleeping from 7 pm-8:30am for a while now but whenever I say that he starts waking up at night again. I love that Gary gets Kai ready in the morning and then I can stay in bed until 8am! When Gary was gone, I was so tired (Koen was waking up 3X a night) so I told Kai to just stay in bed as long as he could. The next morning I went into his room and he had taken his breakfast into bed and was watching a DVD. His breakfast? A bowl of cereal, piece of toast, a pepperoni stick, and a cookie. I have big eaters and the big one can apparently reach every cupboard in our house!

I love watching these two play together. Kai usually tackles or wrestles him but unless Koen complains, I kind of let it go now as Koen is big enough and `durable'. They love to play outside together, ride bikes, play with chalk, colour, read, and help in the kitchen. The one thing they do not do together is have a bath. Kai has refused to bathe with Koen since day one.

I'm so thankful that I can be with my boys during the day and work at night. These past two weeks I have been working 40 hour weeks (with photography). I have no idea how momma's work full time as there has been zero time for myself (except for football!!). Things are starting to slow down a bit and I'd like to get back to the 10 hour work week.

Koen isn't super interested in trying new words but does have his few words that he uses over and over and over. The most common are; daddy, birdie, uppee (up please), me! me! me!. Kokies, we love you!!! You are such a little monkey and are just so loveable!!!

Oh and Kai Bear. Today he made a good point. We always talk about being gentle and caring for living things (like the garden and snails etc). Today I was pulling out weeds and he said, `Mommy! You need to stop, those are living things!' Hmmm....so true. They weren't really harming anything, they just didn't look nice. What could I say?!

And Kai with Bubi. I can't believe how old Kai is. When I look at him, I see a 7 year old. He totally does not seem 3.5 years old to me. He's just a mini adult. He is such a wonderful boy who shows love for others by being inclusive and sharing with them. He has his crazy moments but they are def. showing up less often. He is so eager and enthusiastic. His little voice gets so high pitched when he's excited, it's awesome. He loves school for the socializing and learning and honestly, he loves the cleaning up part. The teachers always comment about that. I hope I haven't caused him to have OCD with wanting a clean house all the time:) Oh yes, one new thing; he has started lying. Mostly it's things like saying he's washed his hands when he hasn't. We are working on him understanding that I won't get mad but he has to tell the truth. Today he said that he had used the bathroom at preschool (he's been afraid to do that for the past month) and I asked if that was the truth. He said, `No mommy, I'm sorry. I lied.'. So, at least he's admitting it now.

I am so blessed. An awesome husband. A funny almost 4 year old. An adorable 17 month old. An almost healthy thyroid. A job that works so perfectly with my health and our desires for our family.

Have a wonderful Thursday evening.

Love, Louise

Simon Says

Kai and Koen like to play `Simon Says' when it's time to eat. Do you know why I don't like it?

Because all Kai does is get Koen to rub all his food in his hair. Every. Single. Day.

We had a wonderfully full weekend of football, birthday parties, engagement shoot and a baptism. I love my football team. We have played together for 10 seasons and we are just so supportive and encouraging of each other. I say this because the team we played this weekend was noticeably different. We're tough but nice:)

(My sister Maria's 26(?) week belly)

We went out to Mission to witness baby Sami's baptism. Man, that little girl is the easiest baby in the entire world. Her cry lasts about 2 seconds. That's it. So chill. Fine with anyone and everyone. Wow.

Then we went to Jan and Doug's for a bbq. The kids just ran around wildly (they have a great yard) and we ate some yummy food.

(I will do my hair one day....)

And, all the Dekens' grandkids below

The boys are doing super well. Kai has decided in the past couple of weeks that he loves puzzles. This is awesome although all of our tables are now covered in puzzles. He has also been biking everywhere and I just carry Koen in the ergo or push him on the toddler bike with the extended handle. The boys love each other and also wrestling. When you add a third kid, does that fighting get a lot worse?

We got a call from our social worker yesterday. We are probably going to be done everything a month earlier than I thought (by August)! The one disappointing thing was that she said, `Are you sure you want to go domestic? There are a whole lot of people who are currently waiting for a domestic adoption.'. A little disappointing but there is no wait list, you get chosen by the birth mom. I still feel tons of peace about it but check in with me again if we're still waiting 2 years from now!

Time to get the Kokies. Hope you have a lovely Tuesday!

Love, Louise

Gary

On Friday, Gary and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. Gary wasn't home as he was on a 4 day canoe and portaging trip. However, at 8am, there was a loud knock at the door. I went down there and this is what I saw:

Flowers, a DVD, and a gift certificate to the spa. The DVD said `Play Me Now'. So, I played the DVD and on it, Gary said that my sister would be coming over at 2:30pm to babysit the kids so that I could go to the spa. After that, a friend would pick me up and take me to dinner! I was so excited to be surprised like that!!! Thank you Mark and Maria for picking out the bouquet and dropping it off!

At the spa, I had the `Time Out' Package which consisted of a facial, back massage and pedicure. I don't really like people touching my face so that wasn't my favourite but I'm glad I tried it. The pedicure was super tickly but I love that she massaged my toes and made them pretty. The back massage was awesome as she worked every single tight muscle. Then, my friend Leah picked me up from the spa and took me out for dinner. You know, when you can sit and eat and talk and not try to manage the kids at the same time! What a relaxing afternoon after single mom-ing it all week!

(Random picture of Gary with a basketball player/student at a reception)

Gary wasn't supposed to get me anything as our Kingfisher trip was our present to each other. Wanna know what I got him? Two of his favourite things that we never have in the house; iced tea and pistachios. Ya, he wins.)

I love Gary. A lot. I remember Gary telling me that he made the choice to love me. I didn't like that. I mean, I appreciate that he was committed to me for life but I wanted him to feel the emotional, passionate love too. Gary isn't super emotional. He doesn't really have ups and downs, he's just steady, and that's good. More than ever, I appreciate his choice to love me and his daily desire to make our marriage stronger and my life better. He makes me feel confident and beautiful. He completely respects and supports every decision I make. We are excellent team mates. Obviously it's not always wonderful but we communicate very well about everything. I really appreciate him and I am so thankful that we are together. I know I'm not the easiest to get along with all the time (I may get a little stressed sometimes:) and I can't stand noises like crunching and slurping (Gary makes a lot) but we are getting there. Gary totally gets me. I am known.

He is a very wonderful father. He is so involved with them and can take them anywhere and everywhere by himself. He makes them laugh and smile and also makes them feel safe and secure. We have a lot of fun together just being goofy and silly. The boys love their daddy. I knew Gary would be a wonderful dad and I'm just so glad that we are on the same page in regards to adding to our family through adoption.

So, if you don't know Gary, you should get to know him. It takes a while. Believe me. Happy 5th anniversary Gary Wayne Chapman. Nakupenda.

Hee hee

I'll be honest, Kai may have been jealous.

Five Year Plan

Gary always jokes that he's on the 5 year plan. If he wants something (some pricey photography equipment most likely), he asks about it and then will continue to bring it up every month or so. Eventually I do say `okay' . By the way, it's not usually 5 years, it generally ends up being about 6 months. The only one that has taken more than 5 years is going on a trip to Iceland.

Two days ago I had a crazy thought. Okay, not crazy but it really came out of nowhere. I told Gary so that I could put him on the 5 year plan. I said to Gary that if everything goes relatively well with this adoption, maybe we could consider an international adoption? From Africa? We've always wanted to go to Africa as a family anyway (well, I want to go back to Kenya but we couldn't adopt from there as you have to live there for 6 months first). Who am I? 4 kids? Don't worry, one at a time...we'll see how it goes. And secretly, I kind of wouldn't mind having 4 boys:)

It's hard to know when we will be having our next child but once he/she is here, we will cut back immensely on our photography. Maybe just one shoot per month to continue to bring in some money and so that I can still work a little outside of the home. I really want to have more family filled weekends. I'm probably just feeling this way because we are in our busiest photography month ever with 5 weddings and 5 other shoots!

(I love that Kai can bike everywhere now!)

I don't know if you've noticed but I have an adoption link at the top of our blog. It has a timeline that you can check to see where we are at. In case you haven't checked, we have finished a whole lot! We are just awaiting our 3 day seminar (mid June), our 6 social worker visits and then we write our `Dear Birth mom' letter. I think that's it!

(picnic at the park, orange you wishing you were there?:))

And, Kai's funny comment of the day:

Kai (being a detective with his flashlight and trying to find treasures around the house, he finds a crumb on the ground): Mommy, a crumb is very fascinating!

I have to say that I am just really feeling so content and happy. I really think that it has to do with the fact that I'm just feeling so much healthier. I should get my blood tested again but I think I must be close to the normal range right now.

Oh, and I should mention that I have a doctors appointment for Koen in 2 weeks from now. I have noticed (although how the heck did it take me so long to notice?!) that Koen walks with his right foot turned in. I had feet issues as a kid too, I had to wear special shoes and braces and all that jazz. It was really bad in elementary school where I didn't wear supportive shoes and it was like I was walking on my ankles. Orthotics helped with that and I'd say I'm normal now:) I'm sure that the equipment that they have to wear now is a lot more user friendly. Hopefully.

Have a wonderful evening.

Love, Louise

Lower Falls Hike

This weekend is a busy work weekend, but we had a great family day today. As we are going on holidays for two weeks this summer, camping and hiking our way to Drumheller (I lost in the vote), we want to practice doing each of those things with the kids to see what we should change/know etc. Today was hiking.

(Terribly blurry picture but I wanted a shot of me carrying Kokies in the Ergo)

We wanted to see how they would do in the carriers so that we could hike at Gary and Louise pace rather than Kai-and-Koen-explore-every-single-thing pace. We did Lower Falls at Golden Ears. It's an easy hike that they say takes an hour each way but really, it takes about 35 minutes each way (as long as the kids aren't walking). I took a beta blocker before and was so pumped that I had no problem whatsoever carrying Koen the whole way. Phew.

(Can you tell I'm restraining Koen from running straight into the water?)

(Family shot via timer)

(Look at Koen's face)

Koen was happy in there for about 20 minutes and then he really wanted to explore. We threw rocks in the water for a bit and then we kept going to the waterfall. Gary and I even switched kids and I carried Kai in the Ergo. Overall, we let Kai walk about 1.5km's as he could run ahead and keep up. Koen maybe walked .5km. Today was a day that I just wanted a bit of a work out so that's why we weren't as kid friendly:)

So, what did practicing teach me?

1. I can hike!! Not overnight hiking with a 50lb backpack right now, but maybe a 25lb one and Gary carry everything else?!

2. We'll need to hike in the morning when Koen isn't tired.

3. We'll need to hike 45 minutes, stop and have lunch/snack, and then hike again.

4. Kai can keep up with us for about 20 minutes at a fast pace.

5. They each go in both of the carriers well.

I hope that you had a fabulous weekend!!

I'm so excited to watch the LOST finale tonight!!!

Love, Louise

PS Have a great long weekend!

Mr. Enthusiastic

(Kai will the Wall-E that he made)
Yesterday Kai's preschool class went on a field trip to Sendall Gardens. Koen and I went along and it was a lot of fun. I got to lead a group as we went from station to station. We looked for various bugs on their checklist, found each colour flower, painted tiles and planted seeds. It was during Koen's nap time so I held him in the Ergo hoping he would sleep but it was just too exciting. (**side note about the ergo: feels very comfortable on but very difficult to get a child in the back carrying position by yourself unless you want to pull every muscle in your back**).

Kai was LOVING it. His teacher's were saying how he makes them smile and that he is just so enthusiastic. He really is. Example, `Kai, now we have to find some worms.' Kai: `Woohoo! I LOVE worms!! Let's go find them!!'. For everything. I can tell you where he did not get this from:) Here would be Gary's response to something....

Me: Gary, we won a million dollars!!!!!

Gary: That's awesome. (please note, no capitals, no exclamation marks).

And a couple of comments from Kai:

I checked the mailbox for a package that I'm expecting...

Kai: Mommy, was the package there?

Me: No, I wish it was!

Kai: Cheer up mommy. You just need to be patient! I have to wait every day for my birthday, it's just like that!

Kai checking out the box of sugary terribleness (Froot Loops-vomit) that Gary picked up for him because Gary is leaving on a trip and he's trying to bribe Kai to be super nice:

Kai: I LOVE these so much, they're my favourite!! I've never had them before.

And, so that I do not forget: Kai rode his bike (with training wheels) to the mailbox and back. He suddenly decided that he could do it and that he loved it. Love it!!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! We have two weddings and I'm so excited that the weather is going to behave.

Love, Louise

It Is Well

It seems like everyone is slowly announcing pregnancies again. You know, people who have kids my age and are either trying or are pregnant. I was worried about how I would feel about this. Part of me is like, `Let's just try to have a biological child!'. While paying all this money, filling out all these forms, wondering if anyone will choose our family because we have two of our own kids already, this comes to mind. But then, I know that it would be really hard on my body and that I would be passing on my mass amounts of thyroid hormones to my little fetus. I would be risking a premature birth or even a miscarriage. I would need to see specialists. I would be constantly monitoring my thyroid hormones. My heart rate would be much higher. I would risk having it get even worse after the baby was born. I know that adoption is right for us (and I am very excited about it!), I just feel a little bit jealous of those who are pregnant. Is that okay? I think that if we didn't have any kids yet, we would try and just leave all the risks up to God. I think.

I have to say that I have never heard God before. You know, like in words. I've felt peace in my life and I know that He is with me. However, throughout this adoption journey, I often start questioning things in my mind like `What if the baby doesn't love me? What if no one chooses us? What if our biological boys get super jealous? What if the mother decides to parent the child she has given us?' etc AND THEN I hear God saying `Trust me'. And I do. I guess I shouldn't say I hear him out loud. I hear him in my head, like as if I'm talking to myself but it's not me. Does that make sense? I see the words in my head too. Trust me. I totally do trust Him. Me, the control freak. I'm really letting go. I do have to say that the hardest thing right now is not knowing the timeline. It could be this fall, it could be the fall of 2011. I guess it could even be never.

Oh baby, we can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to just hold you until you fall asleep on me. I can't wait to put you in the bjorn and walk to the park with your big brothers. They are really great boys, you will have so much fun with them! I don't know if you're even in your birth momma's belly yet, but we are praying for you and hoping that you are well!

Kai Bear

My sister pointed out that there have been a lot of Koen pictures lately. It's true. Well, today I needed to just test out the lights downstairs so Kai offered to help out:) He is a good little helper. I will tell you two of the wonderful things he did today:

1. He read a story to Koen while he was eating breakfast. Kokies wasn't really loving it because Kai didn't show him the pictures which is really why Koen loves it. It's an `Opposites' book with doggies on every page. It was really nice gesture. Sweet.

(Excuse his hair...a mix of hat head and sweat. We might need to work on his smile:)

2. Today when we walked to the mailbox, they held hands. Wow. They have been holding hands a lot more. When we drive, Kai will reach out and tickle Koen. I'll be honest, for every hand holding there are about 30 headlocks, but I'll take what I can get.

My dad babysat the kids, for 5 hours, all by himself. The danger of this is that Opi tells stories that are not quite the truth. Kai came back and told me the following:

Kai: Mommy, when Opi was little, he didn't have a house and they had to look for rats.

Me: Why did they have to look for rats?

Kai: To eat them!

Me: Kai, I think Opi wasn't telling the truth, he was being silly.

Kai: No mommy, it is the truth! Now Opi has a house and he is happy every day.

Okay, I better head to bed. How did it get so late?! I usually like to get to bed before Gary because he snores terribly....he went to bed half an hour ago so it will be full out snoring by the time I get there. Great. Bon nuit!