What I've Learned Over the Years

Yeehaw! It's my 39th birthday today. What does that mean to me? First, it makes me think of my mom. Anyone else really feel that connection on their big day? I was not the easiest to birth but she did go on to have four more. Thanks, mom. 

In some ways I still feel 26 where I think I'm young and hip (do people say "hip"?) and in other ways I'm definitely feeling my age (turn down that TV so I can think, but wait, turn it up so I can actually hear it).  I'm looking forward to the big 4-0 next year and feel that 40 isn't actually as old as I always pictured it–I feel good! 

Life has not gone as I expected; it's even more complex and meaningful than I imagined. It has been a great learning journey and I'm thankful for the knowledge that I have – not the academic information which has sort of faded and gotten jumbled, but all that I have learned about life and family and love.  For this birthday post, I would like to share some things that I would tell my 20-year-old self. Well, I wouldn't really tell myself half of these things ahead of time because I do learn best through experience but oh do I wish I knew #3 and #23.

Nya Turns One!!

One year after the birth of our baby girl, there are just a few things I want to say.  

1.  I am so thankful.    Thankful to have her.  Thankful for her health.  Thankful for her cheerful personality.   Thankful for how she makes our family what it is.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the gift that God has given me in regards to Gary and the kids.  They are awesome.  Tiring, but awesome :)

2.  My love is great.  I remember when we were expecting Koen that I was so nervous I wouldn't love him as much as Kai.  I quickly learned that there's oodles of love in my heart for each and every kid.  They are all so different and special and I love them so much.

3.  Everyone says it, but wow, this year how flown by.  I feel like she was born 2 months ago or something.  I want to savour every cuddle and feed and giggle.  I didn't love the newborn stage with Kai but with each child it was easier because I knew what was ahead and was more confident in my ability.  I loved newborn Nya.  So sweet. 

4.  I am AMAZED by the boy's love for their sister.  I think it's the age gap and the fact that she is a pretty easy going kid, and well, she's adorable. They think that she is the cutest thing in the world, hence, her nickname `Cutie'.   Koen gives her full access to his cars and that says a lot.  She is a great source of entertainment in our home.  Gary is pretty smitten too.

5.  I have loved getting to know her.  She is very friendly and outgoing and is pretty easy going wherever we go.  She has a mischievous side and loves to explore.  She is content to cuddle but also loves being thrown in the air.  She loves mangoes and apparently icing as well as you will see below...

All right, you know I could reminisce for a long time with many, many photos, but I won't.  Here are some photos from a year ago when we met our beautiful 7lb 14oz bundle of cuteness.

And here she was on Monday in all her girly cuteness. 

I need to tell you that she loved the icing so much that there were very few smiles, it was just non stop putting icing in her mouth.  We actually had to stop taking photos because she was just eating too much and I was worried she was going to get sick.  

Also, I would like to point out that Gary made the cupcake for his little girl :)

The boys were allowed to join in and Koen spent most of the time licking icing off of his leg.

You can see her birthday greeting on Breakfast Television here :)

Nya, we are so thankful to have you in our family.  We love you so much.  Always and forever.

Love, Mommy, Daddy, Kai and Koen.

Birthday Getaway

So, either I don't get out much or Harrison Hot Springs Resort and Spa is pretty awesome! I had such a good time! Maybe it's because I didn't do any work for 24 hours:) We only went for one night but that's all we needed. It' s just over an hour away and we were able to check in 4 hours early and get our full usage out of the pool.

There were two queen beds for us and then Nya slept in the playpen in the large walk in closet. It even had a door so I'd say she had her own room:)

{We also went to the beach on the first day, just a 5 minute walk away}

There are 5 pools there and they are so nice and warm. One was a bit cooler, but ya, so nice! The water comes from the hotspring so that's why it was so warm and had a different chemical makeup to it. It is soooooooooooooooo family friendly and yet, it could be a romantic getaway too (there is an adult only pool and there is one restaurant just for adults). Our trip wasn't so romantic:)

{The only thing that made me nervous was that Nya was going to poop in the pool. Once they're on solids, I trust swim diapers. Before then? Not so sure I can trust them! Anyone have experience with this?}

The pools are open from 8am until 10:30pm (and then even later for adults), so we definitely got our use out of them! Kai can now swim without any kind of flotation device. His rendition of the Butterfly is pretty hilarious. Koen swims using water wings but is pretty comfortable in the water. Nya was really good overall. She went in the pool a couple of times and napped well. She's been getting up once at night, usually around 4am, and that is totally fine with me!

It was totally worth the money. Normally I wouldn't spend more than $100 on a hotel but this one was $150 using Travelocity and I would rather spend more and have an awesome place for one night than to go for two nights and stay in a not so nice place. We brought our own lunch and breakfast and just went out for pizza for dinner. All together, with gas, our 2 day getaway was under $200.00. Once Nya is 3 we will likely be camping for most of our holidays, but for now, this was pretty great!

I'm really glad that I booked this. It was a birthday gift to myself:) I am now 34 years old. Really, all of the 30's have sort of been the same for me. This birthday made me think of my mom a bit more. A birthday is really almost more about the one who birthed you. Big thanks to my momma for pushing me into this world, it was not an easy birth, I know that:)

I am just feeling so incredibly thankful these days for all I have. Every time I look at Nya, I can't believe that she's part of our family. So, so thankful for everything. By the way, can I just say that I did not even think about how I looked in my bathing suit once? Times have changed! I think that when holding a baby and keeping your eye on two others, you don't have time to think about what you look like:)

Happy 34th birthday to me!

Love, Louise

Kai Bear Turns Six!!

Six years ago, after the longest 2 nights of my life, our Kai Bear was born. He was big at 9lbs 11oz and 22.5" long. He cried a lot so it was a good thing he was kinda cute:)

We had no idea what we were doing. I knew you fed a baby but I didn't know how often. I knew I would be tired but I had no idea I would be THAT tired. We learned so much. I learned that I was selfish and that it was hard to put someone else's needs ahead of your own. He made us parents and he will forever be our first born and we love him so much.

I was so nervous to have a boy. Growing up in a family of girls, I didn't know much about what young boys were like. Well, I can tell you, they are a lot of fun and they can be really gross:) He is such an eager boy who loves to learn (he asks great questions!) and loves to play with anyone and everyone. He is such a quick learner:) He can read and loves to play all sports. I love his freckles and I love the way he trusts me 100%. He has the most beautiful hazel coloured eyes and a fabulous dimpled smile.

I could say a whole lot but I will just say that I am so thankful that I was given the gift of our son.

Happy 6th Birthday Kai Bear!!!! We love you forever and ever. Love, Mommy, Daddy, Koen and Nya.

PS Today is his hockey party and it's a million degrees out. I hope he loves it!

Nya's Birth

I want to write this out before I forget it in a haze of newborn-ness. There are some photos of surgery, fallopian tubes and all that jazz...be warned! It's just mostly about the C-section with some photos:)

On May 22nd, we had a booked C-section for the birth of our little girl. Her due date was May 28th and that was the closest date I could get to it. We were scheduled to be at the hospital at 6:15am. I had so many different emotions as the date approached. I just wanted her out so that I knew she was safe in my arms. I wanted her to stay in me so that she could grow as much as she could. I wanted to stay pregnant because she is our last biological child. I wanted her to be on the outside because the Braxton Hicks contractions were very, very strong for the last two months and very uncomfortable.

That morning, at 5am, the rest of my mucus plug came out and to me it sort of signified that she likely would have been born soon. We had brought the boys to Gary's parents house the night before and so it was easy getting to the hospital on time.

We arrived at 6am and the nurse got me into a gown, got my IV in and prepped me for surgery. I was quite emotional and I don't know if I was having contractions or just really nervous but I made a LOT of trips to that bathroom.

The surgery this time was a little different as we could actually walk to the OR on the maternity ward. If you are having a C-section, there is definitely a benefit to having it on the ward. Baby was able to stay in the operating room for a good 20 minutes after she was born and I could watch her being checked over, hold her, be with Gary etc.

Compression stockings were also new this time. One of the worst things about a C-section is being attached to so many tubes for 24 hours (IV, catheter, compression thingys).

Gary got suited up and we walked down the hall to `the room'.

I talked to the OB, Dr. A (who actually did Kai and Koen's sections as well). I like her a lot as she is very informative, understanding and efficient. We went over any last minute questions I had and I also talked with the anesthetist. I was in the OR at about 7:45am.

The second I walked into the room, I started crying. I tried to pull myself together but I was overwhelmed. Soon I would meet the daughter I had waited for. Soon she would be coming out by C-section. Could I have pushed her out? Would she be okay? Would I?

As soon as I was frozen (which happened so, so quickly), they got to work. I think because everything happened so quickly, I didn't have time to mentally prepare for each step. Gary came and sat beside me and rubbed my forehead. I was overwhelmed. I also was feeling nauseated which has happened each time I've had a C-section. I let the anesthetist know and he took care of that with medications.

Suddenly she was out! Gary got a bunch of pictures but I'll spare you the bloody ones:) We were allowed to photograph as much as we wanted which I appreciated. All the doctors and nurses were pretty fascinated by the amount of Whartons' Jelly on her umbilical cord (the white part). It was also wrapped around her neck.

She screamed and screamed which I took as a good sign. I could see her the whole time which was awesome. I was shaking a lot so they got me some warm blankets and the adrenaline had my teeth chattering like crazy. I was overwhelmed with happiness. As soon as I saw her, I realized she was small. Like, way smaller than the boys. I turned to the midwife and said, `I could've gotten her out'. I let myself grieve that for a few minutes and then celebrated the fact that I would have a smaller baby that would just stay little and cute longer:) I have since talked to the OB and midwives and am totally okay with her birth. She does have a bigger head (37cm) so it could've been tricky for me. We did the best we could with all the information that we had.

I was having my fallopian tubes removed. Not just cut, removed. The reason they do that is to decrease the chance of ovarian cancer. So, to do this, they actually had to take my uterus out of my body once the uterus was sutured. I had asked before hand to see the fallopian tubes because I had never seen ones in a human before:) The removed the end closest to the ovaries and pretty much 2/3's of it. The picture below shows her dangling one of my fallopian tubes above my head. I got to see both:) It kind of looked like a fat worm.

Having my uterus put back in my body was painful. It felt like someone punching me in a giant bruise. The anesthetist pumped me full of fentanol when I complained of pain and immediately I thought I would pass out. I went to la la land and I think I told him that I loved him. I think the way I coped with the surgery was just letting everyone know how I was feeling the whole time and needing to know what was going on.

Nya Greta Chapman was born at 8:30am. She was just 7lb 14oz (my boys were both about 9.5-10lbs each!) and 21.5" long. By 9:30am I was in recovery and Gary was holding Nya in our room, skin to skin. I was back up to the room at 10:30am and after a quick wipe down by the nurses, I got to feed my baby!!

Both of the boys had low blood sugar levels when they were born but she was totally fine. So nice to be able to feed her before she got a bottle of formula. So nice that she didn't need her heel pricked over and over and over.

At 1pm, the boys came to meet their baby sister. I was still feeling nauseated and actually vomited that afternoon. Yuck. I lay in bed the whole day with the automated compression leggings on which were new this time. Sort of feels like an itchy, sweaty, non stop massage on your legs.

The boys were hesitant to touch her but were excited that baby sister was here! Koen was adamant that her name was Carla (from Cars 2). He still is:)

I sort of can't believe that I am the mother of 3! The first night I did not sleep well (probably just 3 hours) because I was on a high and also, she had a lot of mucus that she kept gagging on. We finally put her on her side and that helped to get it out.

Nya continued to feed and sleep well, so awesome!

I was exhausted from the surgery and just rested and rested. That night they got me up for my first walk to the bathroom. The second day was the worst but still not as bad as my previous sections. We were able to get discharged early and head home after 48 hours. I feel pretty good now (just dealing with the usual engorgement issues) but am glad I won't have another C-section again. Surgery of any kind just sucks.

I am very much in love with baby Nya. She is a sweet mix of Kai, Koen and herself:) She has really long fingers, a lovely long tongue, and a cute little cry. Her head is so, so soft and kissable. Nothing in the world feels better than having a newborn sleeping on your chest. I've missed it so much.

Last night, we slept quite well at home as I was just up every three hours to feed her and she would go back to sleep. She is sleeping in a bassinet in our room and I'm sleeping in a recliner in our room (for now). Gary is being superdad and taking care of everything. I think he's a little excited to have a little princess in his life:)

Also to those who were wondering...her original name for the whole pregnancy was going to be Mckinley. However, a week before, we changed it to Nya. I love it and as soon as we saw her, we knew she was Nya.

So, that's how we met our little Nya. Time to go snuggle her some more:)

Love,

Louise

PS Thank you to all those who prayed for our health (and particularly respiratory wise). I just had one good cough in the OR and we were both all good!

She's Here!!

Just a quick post to let you know that our beautiful little daughter is here. Nya Greta Chapman was born via C-section at 8:30am. It was a pretty emotional time in the OR but a good one. She was shockingly small (7lbs 14oz), with a nice big head, 21.5" long and super healthy.

She is feeding well (yay, no blood sugar problems!!!) and so far I feel really good. I will have a full post in about 4 days but in the meantime I will rest and enjoy holding my little girl who wears newborn size clothes!

Nya is swahili/gaelic and means `Purpose' (it's also the new name.). Greta is my mom's name.

She's got dark brown hair under that hat:)

Have a great week and thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Love, Louise

I'm Next; A Minor Freak Out

I'm a little freaked out. As soon as Jan had her baby, I realized that I'M NEXT. What am I freaked out about?

1. I'm a little freaked out that it feels like forever since I've had a baby and our family works/runs/functions so well and I don't want to lose this easy balance. However, I am also way too excited to welcome a little cute baby girl into this family and I know we will adjust.

{I love looking in these drawers!! I'm mostly excited about leggings and ruffled skirts.}

2. I'm a little worried about shooting three weddings in a row at 35, 36 and 37 weeks pregnant. I hope it isn't too hard on me physically/mentally and I really, really, really hope that I can work hard and finish editing them before babe is here so that I can have one full month off. In case you don't know, photographing a wedding is not just physically tiring, it's more mentally exhausting...it's go, go, go, non stop thinking/talking/engaging etc. I also wish I could wear running shoes and yoga pants for it:)

Oh ya, and I wouldn't mind seeing into the future so I could know how realistic it is shooting a wedding when babe is 2-6 months of age...hoping she takes a bottle!

{This mobile is not what I envisioned but it will have to do. My nieces `helped' me make the one with the hand stitching or whatever you call what I did. The rest were crazy glued:)}

3. I'm a lot freaked out about how this baby is coming into the world. I'm a planner and to be 34 weeks pregnant and not know whether it will be a VBA2C or C-section is a little frustrating. What does it depend on? Well, I have an ultrasound on April 30th. They will try to determine the baby's size based on that. If the baby looks like it will have a birth weight in the 8lb range (it could happen right?!), then a VBA2C is a lot more likely. I know ultrasounds are off. Koen was supposed to be 8.5lbs and he was 9.5lbs. Want to know my reasons for everything?

{I'm planning on replacing at least one photo with a newborn one or just taking a newborn one and enlarging it on a huge canvas because 8X10's are so small:)}

VBA2C PROS:

-Faster recovery!!!! Also less chance of respiratory problems for babe but really, it's more about the recovery. I like my exercise and I don't like major abdominal surgery. And seriously, the first 3 days are so painful. To me, anyway. Not being able to exercise for 6 weeks is tough for me and I hope to be playing football again in the fall:) Also, if my Graves Disease comes back (likely), I want to be in top physical form to tackle it.

-I've gone through labour before so I know how it goes. I made it almost all the way to the end (pushing for a couple of hours) so I know I can do it that part.

VBA2C CONS:

-Could go all the way through labour and end up with a C-section which makes infection a higher risk. I have about a 66% chance of success.

-I have several factors against me: 2 C-sections, babies over 8lbs 12 oz, had to be augmented with oxytocin last time

-higher chance of uterine rupture (about 1/150) and 1/2000 chance baby had brain damage or dies. My midwife was telling me that 1/2000 means something is so rare which helped me a bit. HOwever, to me, that doesn't sound rare. In the pamphlet, they equate it with being diagnosed with breast cancer in a year...something that seems likely in this family of mine:) We've had a few random things happen that I just can't risk it (mom gets cancer and dies, dad has heart attack and dies and is brought back, dad has cancer, all sisters pregnant at once etc).

-risk of shoulder dystocia (I don't care as much about broken bones but I do care about nerve damage and lack of oxygen to the brain).

{I love how big this dresser is. It's holding all of her clothes up to 12 months plus all the cloth diapers, crib sheets and receiving blankets.}

THE PLAN

I have my ultrasound on April 30th. I do think this baby is smaller as I'm just measuring only a touch bigger. With the boys I was always 1-2 weeks bigger. I have a tentative C-section date set as May 22nd. I wish it was a bit later but I didn't realize it was up to me to call and set it. In case you didn't know, May 22nd is in 39 more sleeps. I still don't know if the Langley OB's would take me on for sure but I think it depends a lot on the ultrasound.

MY HEART

I have been having nightmares (normal for 3rd trimester) for the past 2 months which usually involve murder and death. I think putting my baby at risk is just too scary for me and unless she's a little one, I will go for the C-section and suck up the recovery. I will appreciate my midwives role in making this my best C-section ever. I will have my sister donate breast milk for the first feed and/or more (my kids have both had low blood sugar and needed to be supplemented up to 24 hours), I will have Gary do skin to skin while I'm in recovery etc.

It's hard because I don't have my mom to come home with me and take care of me and babe for the first week but I do have a helpful husband and grandparents willing to help take the older boys while we are in the hospital.

So, until I meet with my OB on May 2nd, I will remain calm and just be prepared for whatever the decision will be. Praying that it is super duper clear.

Have a beautiful weekend! I'm looking forward to seeing friends, taking a few photos, going on a family outing and holding baby Jack again.

Love, Louise

Koen Turns Three!

My baby is three (tomorrow). Wow. I can't imagine our lives without this easy going and mischievous boy. He makes us smile each and every day. Kai and Koen are best buds, playing together all day, although, at least half of that time, they are fighting about something. They wrestle and chase each other and I've learned to not look.

I always find the day before their birthdays the most emotional. Thinking about the day before my life was changed forever...again. Koen loves being with us and trying to be helpful. A song, especially `Jingle Bells' can usually cure most owies (or a kiss from mom). He loves going on errands. He loves eating anything and everything. I cannot think of one food he will not eat. He likes to be the one to pray at every meal. He does not like being interrupted at all. He loves his bunk bed.

{I love this picture of Gary and one week old Koen. It sits beside my computer. He was SO chubby!!}

{These pictures were taken when we went to Boundary Bay to see the Snowy Owls a few days ago.}

Koen is very physical, well, more so than Kai. He needs to jump on people and pull on their shirts to try to pull them down. He loves using markers and colouring with his big brother. He mostly loves to draw about 20 circles on a page.

I'm so thankful for Koen. He just has to flash me those dimples and I melt. Or sing me `Jingle Bells' or `My God Is So Big'. I'm thankful that I still get some really great cuddles out of him.

He is still very attached to his blankie, Bubi. We all love Bubi. Bubi makes him so docile and content. When he sees baby pictures of himself without Bubi, he gets tears in his eyes wondering where his Bubi was when that picture was taken.

If I let him, Koen would watch tv all day (obviously we don't let him!). He gathers about three blankets and four pillows and makes a `sleeping bag' and then he settles in to watch his show. He loves wearing socks to bed.

I look forward to seeing what sort of young man our Kokies will be. I'm thinking he will be a bit more of the `funny guy' with the sweet, sweet heart. Who knows, I'm in no rush to find out. I'm loving where we are at right now.

Koen, I hope you know how much mommy, daddy and Kai love you. We love you so much, forever and ever. You are so sweet and caring, and at the same time, you know how to drive us bonkers in just seconds. Thanks for keeping us on our toes.

Love you, Bubba.

Love, Mommy, Daddy, Kai and Koen

PS We took some photos of him today and you can see them here.

Happy 2nd Birthday Koen!

I feel so emotional. I can totally remember what it was like when they announced `It's a boy!'. My big baby boy (9lbs 7oz) had arrived and I couldn't stop crying. A brother for Kai. Another son for us. Such a blessing. He has brought so much happiness and joy into our family. He makes me laugh daily and my heart continues to be a puddly mess.

He is sweet. He loves hugs, cuddles, and kisses. When I say, `Koen, it's time for bed!'. He says, `No! Cuddles! Couch! Mommy!'. I'll take it:)

He is so quick to say `thank you' for anything and everything.

He loves bugging his big brother Kai and knows exactly what buttons to push:) It drives Kai nuts when Koen says, `Go Kai go!' so obviously Koen does it a lot.

He loves running around the house, just before bedtime, in his pj's, with his big brother Kai. Back and forth they go, giggling away. His biggest joke is to say, at anytime and anywhere, that someone has pooped. We were skyping with friends last night and the only thing he said was, `Mommy pooped'. Goofball.

He has slept in a toddler bed the last two days. It means that he is running around his room for a couple of hours but he has transitioned well! It brings me great relief that he has done it on his own as it is one of the steps of preparing for bringing another baby home...one day.

Kokies gets sick a lot and for a really long time. However, when he's sick, he's still super happy and actually enjoys blowing his nose:) He is easy going and will try anything. He is still using just three word sentences and is a big climber/jumper/thrower etc. He loves being physical.

Thank you God for this little boy. I always imagined that I would have kids but never imagined the depth of what that actually meant.

Koen, I am so thankful for you. Daily. You are so happy and so loving. You are so good at sharing. How can I explain that you have changed my life and made it 100 times fuller? You are so loved.

Love, Mommy (daddy and Kai).