Looking Back

Sometimes I like looking back to see where we were a year ago.  I was working way too much (three weddings in a row at 34-37 weeks!)  Look at little Nya in there!!!  

The belly looks cute to me but I do not miss being pregnant and uncomfortable.  I have many friends that are due in May so will get any baby fix I might need through them.  

We had family photos done last Spring Break.  Can't wait to get them again when Nya is a bit older.  By the way, Gary lost this purple shirt, I liked it.

And, looking back at Koen at 10 months of age, he already had a great love for his Bubi, `Blue'.  He still loves Bubi more than anything in the world, even more than his cars.  I've had to sew his head back on about 10 times and each of the ears have also been ripped off and sewn back on.

And looking back even further.  This was the day after Gary proposed  to me up at Green Lake seven years ago.  We are a great team and I'm so thankful to have him as my partner.  Not who I would've chosen but someone God chose for me.  It's not perfect but it's great.  I think of all the ways my life could have gone differently and I'm so thankful to be where I am.  You just never know who God has for you and where you find him/her or the journey it will take to being together....:)

And here is something  that is going around on facebook.  I really, really hope that I don't make life sound perfect.  It's not.  I think something I learned from my parents is to focus on the positive and be thankful for what you DO have.  Something that I learned from being in Africa is that our first world problems are mostly pretty silly.  However, the reality of our life is that our kids drive us crazy (when all together).  My husband drives me crazy (although less these days!).  I'm too controlling/bossy/irritable.  I would like to lose a good 10 lbs but am not willing to give up homemade cookies or whipped cream or bacon.  My fridge really needs to be cleaned.  Kai and Koen fight like crazy.  I wish I had my mom here.  I wish my health was perfect.  I could go on and on.  But that's not what I focus on because it's not the big part of my day/life/thoughts.

And finally, something that is not even the least bit related to this....If one more person says `So you're not working?' even after I tell them that yes, I am a photographer that works about 10-20 hours a week, I'm going to lose it. Ha.  Just kidding, but seriously.  Because I'm not teaching right now, I'm not working?!  If you mean to ask if I'm teaching right now, then maybe phrase it that way.   Do you know how much work it takes to run a business with 3 kids and a house to take care of?   The only reason I vent this is because I get asked this about once a week and sometimes I feel that work at home mom's aren't really recognized as people who are working.  Or maybe it's that photography isn't recognized as a profession. I don't know. The end.

PS on the work front, I'm really enjoying the balance right now.  I'm doing so much less which goes against my normal instinct but it is so good.  Must stick with it.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Love, Louise

This Time Tomorrow...

...I should have my little girl in my arms. Pretty excited to say the least:) I am extremely exhausted and haven't left the couch much today. We did take the boys to The Olive Garden for lunch (Kai's choice as he likes it for the bread sticks) as a last family outing. Gary has been running around like crazy getting everything done this weekend so I think we are ready!

We are dropping off the boys at gramma and grandpa's in about an hour. I remember I was so sad to leave Kai when Koen was born. I'm not sad to leave them this time (as they are so much older), I'm just sad that Koen won't be my baby anymore. I mean, he's almost 3.5 but I still consider him my baby:)

I can't believe how fast this has gone and I'm sad in a sense that I will never be pregnant again. Thankful. So incredibly thankful for everything.

Not sure what kind of internet access we will have at the hospital but I plan to update either the blog or facebook tomorrow evening.

Have a wonderful evening. I'm hoping I can get one more good sleep in as we have to be at the hospital super, duper early!!!

Love, Louise

PS If you are wanting something specific to pray for...please pray that baby has no respiratory problems as the chance is much higher with a C-section and also that my cough is 100% gone by tomorrow. Thank you friends!!

**Added after: saying goodnight to Koen was pretty emotional for me and Gary too. My baby, I love him. Love my Kai Bear too but he's always been my big boy.**

Three More Days

Everything feels so surreal right now. I can't even describe it. Our life will be changed forever in just a few more days. This is our last weekend with just the boys. I am so excited about welcoming a little baby to our home. I, Mrs. Super Planner Pants, still do not know her name. It's between two. I think we'll just go with the one Gary is leaning towards. I was trying to see if he'd go for two middle names but I don't think so. I have had the best two sleeps in a row which makes me feel so good. I slept about 7 hours (with a few bathroom breaks) which was awesome.

So, what do you do days before having a baby?

Gary and the boys got to the gardening and cutting the lawn.

Picture of just the boys below...last weekend before little sister will join them in the photos! They are excited and although Kai understands the countdown, Koen just feels like we've been saying he's going to have a baby sister for the entirety of his life:)

Kai says, `Take a picture of me with Mario so we remember how much I loved it!'

Evidence of Koen all over our house? Cars lined up, ready to race.

We got the baby swing down from the garage rafters and set it up. And rearranged our living room to be `baby ready'.

39 week belly below. It looks like the same size as I was with Kai and Koen. My prediction for her weight? 9lbs. How was this pregnancy different than with the boys? Nauseated longer (up to almost 15 weeks), sciatica for weeks 15-25, very little heartburn, gained a few more pounds:)

I just wanted to say one last thing in regards to C-section vs. VBA2C. I feel like one of the main reasons I wanted a VBA2C was to prove I can do it. I'm a (very) competitive person and I have pushed myself physically and mentally in so many things like climbing Mt. Baker and Kilimanjaro, MOMARS and Sea2Summit (adventure racing), 3 half marathons etc. I know I'm strong and tough. However, the fear of baby's head or shoulders not making it out safely has taken precedence and I'm totally fine with a C-section.

I'll admit that I am envious of those that are able to push out big babies and who knows if I could have done it or not, all I know is that I tried my hardest with Kai (9lbs 11oz with 95th percentile head) and we couldn't get him out after hours of pushing. I was shocked that I had a C-section with him, I never ever thought I would have one. Oh well, all I can say is she better be at least 9lbs with a ginormous head or I'm going to always wish I had tried:)

Hope you are all having a great long weekend!

Love, Louise

Mother's Day

I have to say that I had the best Mother's Day that I've had in the last 6 years. Why?

Two reasons:

1. We have always celebrated Mother's Day and Father's Day with Gary's extended family and I really felt that it took away from celebrating Gary and I. It might sound selfish, and although I do love my in laws, I really do appreciate one day to celebrate me being a mom:) (and on Father's Day, Gary being a dad). Also, celebrating gramma on Mother's Day has always been hard for me as it rubs in the fact that my mom isn't here. I remember the first one, it took place a week after she died. That sucked. So, this year we gave gramma her card, flowers and gift a week early (they were going on holidays anyway) and Sunday was all about me!

2. I have learned a few things over the years and one of them is that if I don't want to be disappointed, I need to let my expectations be known. So, this year I told Gary what I wanted for Mother's Day. Yup, I'm not just selfish, I'm bossy:) Ha. So, on my list?

a. A homemade card with at least 3 meaningful sentences in it. Yes, I had to say three sentences or I'd end up with something ridiculous. Believe me.

b. English Toffee from Purdy's

c. A water bottle from Coscto in a nice colour. Not orange. Not that I don't like orange but Gary lets them pick my underwear that they buy me every Christmas and last year he let Koen buy me bright orange ones (Gary said it was great for my dutch heritage). I don't wear orange underwear.

And...what happened? I got everything I wanted PLUS a cookbook. Oh, and he made wonderful meals all weekend. So impressed with Gary and his effort. I hope you understand that I'm not a control freak or anything, it's really how Gary and I work best:)

In other news, I am now done all my wedding work (Gary still has to make the slide shows) and this week I am resting. I don't really know how to do nothing but I'm going to try! Just take care of the kiddos and read a book and...I don't know?! I need to get better so I really need to take it easy.

Here are a few pictures we took before church on Sunday:) Me at 38 weeks....

I hope you had a wonderful weekend. We did!

Love, Louise

PS 8 more sleeps. So, so, so excited and 99% ready!

11 More Sleeps

I am officially in cleaning mode. Decluttering, packing up winter maternity clothes, cleaning out the fridge, washing duvet covers, cleaning out the garage, and dusting blinds that never get dusted. On Sunday I'm going to get Gary to take a few last maternity photos of me as I will never be pregnant again (kind of sad!) as I will be getting my fallopian tubes removed during the C-section. But, I know if we want more kiddos down the road, adoption is definitely the route we will go!

{37.5 weeks and a 37lbs weight gain:)}

I was very excited to find maternity shorts in my old maternity clothes pile this morning! Yay for summer weather!

I know I've said this before but I am so, so, so thankful that my Graves' Disease went into remission so that I was able to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. I know it is so hard for so many women and I recognize this gift fully. I don't know what's going to happen in a couple of months from now but as long as my baby is okay and the medicine works like last time, I can do it!

{Kai had his spring concert yesterday. Not sure if he's posing for the camera of if he really has to pee. He holds it til the last possible second which drives me CRAZY.}

And finally, I have to give a huge thank you to Cars 2. Seriously, the movie plus all of Koen's `Cars' cars have kept him so occupied over the last month while I worked like crazy. He is such a great independent player, I love it!!!

Okay, on to my list!! Have a wonderful weekend.

Love, Louise

Playdate and a Plan

Today we had our first all sister play date in almost a month (that's how old little Jack is).

Here is Trish with Hannah (4.5 months)

{Below, left to right: Hannah 4.5 months, Isaac 4 months, Jack 1 month}

I missed most of it because I had to leave my kids and head to the OB.

So...ya. The plan? C-section booked for May 22nd. If I go into spontaneous labour before then, I am able to try for a VBA2C IF the OB on call is okay with it AND if baby's head is engaged properly. They would proceed with `extreme caution'. I have decided that I will only attempt a VBA2C if it happens before/on Sunday May 13th (38 weeks). I know for a fact (based on experience) that I probably can't get a 95th percentile head out and my OB was obviously really concerned about that. She doesn't want to try the vacuum or forceps and then have babe get stuck (either head or shoulders). I am 100% on board with that and appreciate how the Langley OB's have really tried to work with me/midwives. Sometimes I think it would be nice to just have an average size baby with an average size head. Oh well, like the boys, she'll be big and healthy and full of rolls and skip the newborn clothes:)

I have been doing so well up until about last night. I can't sleep. Last night I slept 4 hours. My hips hurt so much that I'm rotating every 30 minutes or so and then I just tried to sleep in the recliner. My exercise is now just down to walking (and taking care of the kids, that counts right?). The hardest part for me are the Braxton Hicks contractions. They are so strong and mildly painful and happen all day and night. Like, I will wake up moaning because of them and they last a good full minute. Apparently this is normal for your third? Yikes. I feel like I must be 100cm dilated:)

So, I know I'm almost ready to have her in my arms because I knew as long as I was comfortable and things were `easy' I wouldn't be ready to have her out. I'm just about there. I can do it. 13 more sleeps.

I know all this baby talk is not super exciting but I do want my baby girl to know about what I was feeling, and hey, I want to remember all this when it's a blur a year from now:)

Love, Louise

PS I got a pedicure yesterday with bright pink nail polish. I wish I could be fancy like that all the time, it was so fun. I've only had 3 pedicures and each one was when I was pregnant.

PPS Can you tell I'm procrastinating? Must get back to work!!

Girl Name

Oh no!! We've had the same girl name chosen for about 2 years as we had it ready in case we adopted a daughter. Anyway, two nights ago I was reading a book to the kiddos and found a new girl name that I kind of really like. Gary likes it too!!

I like both equally. I don't think I can wait to meet our daughter to see what name would suit her. Yikes! The original one is cute (and I love the shortened version of it), the new one is pretty (and is short and more unique than our boys' names). Both work well with Kai and Koen.

Hopefully a few days of thinking about it will make it clear.

In other news, I suddenly really have an appetite. I'm not sure if my thyroid is back on track or if the baby just requires more calories right now. Regardless, I've eaten so healthy this whole pregnancy until now. Baby (and me) may have enjoyed a milkshake and a blizzard this week.

14 more sleeps, people. 14 more sleeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Triplets

Below is what happens all day long. Koen tries to hug/squeeze/tackle Kai while Kai tries to behave. Here Kai's thinking, `Mommy, I'm smiling for your picture!' and Koen is thinking `How much harder can I squeeze him before he jumps on me?'.

I realized that for church today we sort of had triplets. All in khakis and button up plaid shirts. Oh ya, with new hair cuts and no one wearing any gel. Seriously boys, it takes one second and makes a world of difference. Oh, one more similarity; awkward smiles.

Me at 37 weeks. Apparently it was bright out noticed by my squinting. Either that or my face is super swollen like my hands and feet. I don't think my belly is growing any more but I do think baby girl is fattening up and just taking up more space within that belly. I've noticed that I'm much hungrier this week. Also, who knew that swelling in your hands could cause carpal tunnel syndrome. Awesome, not like I need to use the computer like a crazy woman this week. I'm going to try to finish all the weddings in this next week so I get one week off. I'm confident I can do it!

On Friday, my dad flew into Langley airport and the boys were able to sit on the plane. My dad said not to touch any buttons so of course Koen touched a bunch. This freaked out Kai because he's a rule follower and he was scared the plane would take off. Hence, his look of concern.

Below Kai is even more concerned:)

Opi and Nana Jo with half of the grandkids. When our baby girl arrives, they will have 10 with one more on the way.

I have 10 billion thoughts going on right now so I will have a boring post next which is all about my thoughts on May and this baby and it's arrival etc. May is a wild month because May 7 is the anniversary of my mom's death, May 13 is Mother's Day (probably the hardest day of the year for me and many others), May 22 I should be meeting my daughter, and May 28th is our anniversary. Roller Coaster of emotions.

To end on a funny note, Koen said, `I'm bald under my hair'.

Hope you had a good weekend!

Love, Louise

Ultrasound at 36 Weeks

This is the most unflattering picture of everyone and was on my dad's phone but it's the only one we have:) Who puts the two pregnant ladies closest to the camera? Yikes! However, it is a moment I want to remember so here it is. After church on Sunday my sisters and my dad went to Newlands for the Brunch Buffet. So good. Seriously. Wow. My headache disappeared for about 2 hours and during that time, I ate and ate. Yum! My favourites? The Curry Beef and Pecan Pie.

Jan brought little Jack along and he's such a cute little peanut (although I guess close to 9lbs so not so little). The reason we got together was because on Monday May 7th, it will be 6 years since my mom passed away. I miss her and although I will remember her forever (especially her smile and laugh), I forget her voice and I can't imagine what a conversation with her would be like now. She would be super excited about all these babies though, that's for sure!! Miss you momma. Praying baby is not born on May 7th (which would be 3 weeks early) because I would really rather not have that birth date for babe.

In other news, I had my ultrasound today. I actually invited my in laws to come along as they hadn't seen an ultrasound before. Unfortunately, at this far along, there wasn't much you could see. They did get to see the heart but the rest of her was pretty unrecognizable. I'll meet with my midwife on Thursday to go over it but this is what I got from the tech (please note that not all readings are accurate but it's the best guesstimate for now):

1. Baby is transverse. I knew this already but I had hoped she had gotten into position.

2. Baby girl has a head that is `off the charts'. What does that mean? Basically as big as a baby at 40 weeks. Seriously, another Kai sized head is not good news for a VBA2C attempt.

3. Baby girl's chest measurements are in line with her head ones; large.

4. Baby girl is estimated to weigh 6.9lbs right now. If she gains .5/week, that would put her at about 9lbs on her due date which isn't huge but not ideal for a VBA2C for me. Koen also was the same estimated weight but was born 10 days early at 9lbs 7oz so ya...I know it could be anywhere from 8.5-9.5lbs.

So, I'm assuming baby girl will be born on May 22nd (C-section date) at 9lbs 3oz. If the head is really that large, then I don't feel comfortable going for a VBA2C. I know women do it all the time, but this woman tried with Kai and it was not ideal.

So ya, good to see that she's growing big and strong and I'm really looking forward to seeing what this sweet big girl looks like:)

Stress and Good Stuff

Wow. So, I've been a bit stressed.

With the boys, I had a month off before they were born to relax and rest up. This time, not the case. I am working full time for the next three weeks trying to get all caught up with weddings before the baby is born. It's one thing to edit all throughout the day/night but it's another to do that while still keeping the house decently clean and the kids entertained/fed/disciplined and trying to get exercise in daily. So ya, a bit busy round here. That's one down side of being self employed. Oh ya, and not having a year maternity leave! I'll have one month:(

Other stresses?

Well, I paid the wrong Mastercard bill. I paid our old card instead of our newer one which means we were late a payment which I have never done in my whole life. Our old Mastercard is mailing us a cheque to return the money. Pregancy brain.

Revenue Canada sent me a reassessment asking for even more money. After several phone calls it became clear that I had to pay double the CPP because normally your employer pays it and I am my employer. It costs so much money to have such a small business making such little money. Makes me want to not do everything `by the book' but I have to follow rules:)

But, there's a lot of good stuff too. Like....

1. Kai had Grandparents Day at school. Gary's parents made it and my dad did too! I was so happy that my dad showed up, it was a surprise to me, and I think he enjoyed it. He also got to meet Kai's `fiance'. I don't think I've talked about her before but him and Lauren are planning on getting married eventually. I've met her, I approve:) I do have a picture of her whispering into Kai's ear which is oh so cute but I generally don't post pictures of other people' s kids. You'll just have to trust that it's very cute.

Thanks for coming, grandparents! It means a lot to me.

2. I am 35 weeks pregnant. If I do have a C-section, it will be May 22nd which is in JUST 27 SLEEPS. I feel good. Tired, but good. I can't believe that I will have three kids by next month. I can't wait to meet my little/big girl! Praying I stay healthy as I am not doing a C-section with a cold ever again. Totally in denial that my Graves' could be back in 2 months...

{Yay for comfy pants. Don't think I can wear anything but work out pants for the next month.}

3. Today we had student led conferences. Kai got to show us everything that he has been working on all year from his journals, to stations, to skipping etc. I know I'm a bit biased but he is really a wonderful kid. He is so helpful and has such a gift for teaching (mostly evident in his relationship with Koen). I love him so much and I love that he still snuggles with me. Five year olds are pretty cool.

4. I am so happy that there should be decent weather on Saturday. It is the wedding I am most nervous for and rain would stress me out so much. Please, please, please let it be nice!

5. I get to go to the midwife and for a massage tomorrow. Should be good! I'm going to try to get a half hour massage every week til babe gets here. Might as well!

Have a good night.

Love, Louise

PS Thanks for the cabinet handle advice! You'll just have to wait and see what we chose:)

Koen's School Work

Koen decided that he would like to be like his big brother and have some `school books' so I found this one which teaches how to write letters. Koen's drawings/writings are just spots and lines. Usually he has no interest in drawing real pictures or letters. He just likes playing with colours. Anyway, he loves when we do school work:) He knows all of his letters (and their sounds) and many numbers (even numbers like 25 and 99, that's from shopping prices) but hasn't shown interest in writing them at all. Until now. Now he feels like a big boy.

{Possibly a leftie like his brother?}

{This is his `Aren't you proud of me, mommy?' face.}

{Kai loves watching Koen learn and usually gives him a lot of encouragement. This is one of Kai's two faces. It's either serious and focused or it's this.}

We have three weddings coming up and for some reason I feel some anxiety about them. I feel nervous about how my body will do with it. I feel nervous about the long, long days. I feel nervous that I will be frazzled as I'm a bit more emotional these days. Fortunately the last one we are doing should be the easiest as it's at locations we are super familiar with and with a couple that we know the most out of the three.

Today I took Koen to the locations of the church and photos for this weekend as I just wanted to familiarize myself with where they were, time lines etc. I would not usually do this (especially spending an hour getting over that Port Mann...grrrr) but I thought that if it would relieve some anxiety, I should do it. I think it's mostly that I want to have everything all caught up by the time babe is here so I can just relax and enjoy our family of 5. Or really, so that it won't be so tough when I'm in newborn survival mode:)

It's strange that I don't have maternity leave this time. It's tough in the sense that I have to make an average of $500/month for our finances to be totally okay. I know I can do this, and it shouldn't be hard, it's just...I don't know, pressure. I know everything will be fine, I'm just tired:)

So ya, this weekend's wedding photo location is super nature-y so hopefully the weather behaves. It's supposed to be cloudy which would actually be terrific. This is the Old Mill Site in Port Moody in case you were wondering:)

Tomorrow I'm taking some newborn photos of my little nephew, Jack. He did go home this week so I'm glad all is well with him and his momma.

OKay, time to hit the couch with a book. I'm reading `A Heart For Freedom' by Chai Ling.

Love, Louise

Peace

The picture above makes me happy. Why? Well, on the island you may notice all our laundry folded up. My mom always folded our laundry on the kitchen island so I always feel like her when I'm doing that (which seems like every day with 3 messy boys). Secondly, my mom's spaghetti sauce is on the stove which is always a favourite around here. Although, I added too much spinach this time and boys weren't as in love with it as normal. And finally, not related to my mom, the boys were quietly colouring/playing. Nothing was getting broken. Their voices were not raised. No one was fighting. It was so relaxing. And rare.

In other news, I have continued to gain weight too quickly even though I am eating the same or even less than before I was pregnant and exercising 5 times a week. I eat pretty healthy too. I'm assuming it's because my free T4 has been at 10 for 3 months (normal is 11-22) which indicates my metabolism is a bit slower now. I'm fine with gaining weight, I mean, that's normal in pregnancy. But, it should be closer to 1lb/week right now to indicate all is healthy and well. I'm pretty much at the weight I was when Koen was born and I have 5 more weeks to go....it will probably be at least 40lbs total by then, maybe even more.

I'm now at the stage where I don't really want to talk to any more moms. Today at Strong Start, moms were all asking if baby was due any day now etc. Nope, 5 more weeks of growing to go here folks. And seriously, one mom, that I just met, told me after 2 minutes of conversation (where her second question to me was `Are you having a natural birth?' and I explained it could be a VBA2C or C-section) that I have to have a natural birth. Okay, thanks for telling me what I have to do, I was wondering! Problem solved. I'm glad you are the expert on me and on VBA2C's! Can you tell my irritability has increased? Just ask Gary.

And to finish on a positive note, somehow, I am still sleeping super well. This song came into my head last night and has continued running through it:

I CAST ALL MY CARES UPON YOU
I LAY ALL OF MY BURDENS,
DOWN AT YOUR FEET
ANYTIME, I DON'T KNOW
JUST WHAT TO DO,
I JUST CAST ALL MY CARES
UPON YOU

Have a good day.

Love, Louise

I'm Next; A Minor Freak Out

I'm a little freaked out. As soon as Jan had her baby, I realized that I'M NEXT. What am I freaked out about?

1. I'm a little freaked out that it feels like forever since I've had a baby and our family works/runs/functions so well and I don't want to lose this easy balance. However, I am also way too excited to welcome a little cute baby girl into this family and I know we will adjust.

{I love looking in these drawers!! I'm mostly excited about leggings and ruffled skirts.}

2. I'm a little worried about shooting three weddings in a row at 35, 36 and 37 weeks pregnant. I hope it isn't too hard on me physically/mentally and I really, really, really hope that I can work hard and finish editing them before babe is here so that I can have one full month off. In case you don't know, photographing a wedding is not just physically tiring, it's more mentally exhausting...it's go, go, go, non stop thinking/talking/engaging etc. I also wish I could wear running shoes and yoga pants for it:)

Oh ya, and I wouldn't mind seeing into the future so I could know how realistic it is shooting a wedding when babe is 2-6 months of age...hoping she takes a bottle!

{This mobile is not what I envisioned but it will have to do. My nieces `helped' me make the one with the hand stitching or whatever you call what I did. The rest were crazy glued:)}

3. I'm a lot freaked out about how this baby is coming into the world. I'm a planner and to be 34 weeks pregnant and not know whether it will be a VBA2C or C-section is a little frustrating. What does it depend on? Well, I have an ultrasound on April 30th. They will try to determine the baby's size based on that. If the baby looks like it will have a birth weight in the 8lb range (it could happen right?!), then a VBA2C is a lot more likely. I know ultrasounds are off. Koen was supposed to be 8.5lbs and he was 9.5lbs. Want to know my reasons for everything?

{I'm planning on replacing at least one photo with a newborn one or just taking a newborn one and enlarging it on a huge canvas because 8X10's are so small:)}

VBA2C PROS:

-Faster recovery!!!! Also less chance of respiratory problems for babe but really, it's more about the recovery. I like my exercise and I don't like major abdominal surgery. And seriously, the first 3 days are so painful. To me, anyway. Not being able to exercise for 6 weeks is tough for me and I hope to be playing football again in the fall:) Also, if my Graves Disease comes back (likely), I want to be in top physical form to tackle it.

-I've gone through labour before so I know how it goes. I made it almost all the way to the end (pushing for a couple of hours) so I know I can do it that part.

VBA2C CONS:

-Could go all the way through labour and end up with a C-section which makes infection a higher risk. I have about a 66% chance of success.

-I have several factors against me: 2 C-sections, babies over 8lbs 12 oz, had to be augmented with oxytocin last time

-higher chance of uterine rupture (about 1/150) and 1/2000 chance baby had brain damage or dies. My midwife was telling me that 1/2000 means something is so rare which helped me a bit. HOwever, to me, that doesn't sound rare. In the pamphlet, they equate it with being diagnosed with breast cancer in a year...something that seems likely in this family of mine:) We've had a few random things happen that I just can't risk it (mom gets cancer and dies, dad has heart attack and dies and is brought back, dad has cancer, all sisters pregnant at once etc).

-risk of shoulder dystocia (I don't care as much about broken bones but I do care about nerve damage and lack of oxygen to the brain).

{I love how big this dresser is. It's holding all of her clothes up to 12 months plus all the cloth diapers, crib sheets and receiving blankets.}

THE PLAN

I have my ultrasound on April 30th. I do think this baby is smaller as I'm just measuring only a touch bigger. With the boys I was always 1-2 weeks bigger. I have a tentative C-section date set as May 22nd. I wish it was a bit later but I didn't realize it was up to me to call and set it. In case you didn't know, May 22nd is in 39 more sleeps. I still don't know if the Langley OB's would take me on for sure but I think it depends a lot on the ultrasound.

MY HEART

I have been having nightmares (normal for 3rd trimester) for the past 2 months which usually involve murder and death. I think putting my baby at risk is just too scary for me and unless she's a little one, I will go for the C-section and suck up the recovery. I will appreciate my midwives role in making this my best C-section ever. I will have my sister donate breast milk for the first feed and/or more (my kids have both had low blood sugar and needed to be supplemented up to 24 hours), I will have Gary do skin to skin while I'm in recovery etc.

It's hard because I don't have my mom to come home with me and take care of me and babe for the first week but I do have a helpful husband and grandparents willing to help take the older boys while we are in the hospital.

So, until I meet with my OB on May 2nd, I will remain calm and just be prepared for whatever the decision will be. Praying that it is super duper clear.

Have a beautiful weekend! I'm looking forward to seeing friends, taking a few photos, going on a family outing and holding baby Jack again.

Love, Louise

Not Handsome

Just a quick update:

1. Fun times. It works in case you were wondering:)

2. Koen on being handsome: `I don't want to be handsome. I want to look like Kai!'. ha ha

{Koen would only smile if I took a picture of him with Bubi. Isn't he cute?}

3. Having Braxton Hicks like crazy. It started out just in the evenings and now it's all day long. Reminds me of the contractions I had when I went from 1-3cm with Kai. Uncomfortable but not painful. Baby is getting big and long and I guess my torso is short because there's just not a lot of room for food or breathing when I'm sitting. Six more weeks! Not ready yet, that's for sure. I'm able to sleep at least 8 hours a night now so I have got to get a whole lot more uncomfortable before I'm ready:) Baby room is now ready!

4. Kai is obsessed with `Where's Waldo' books. One of the characters they have to look for is Odlaw. Koen asked if it was the `Odlaw Senators':)

{A genuine Kai smile. I love it. He is handsome. By the way, this kid kicks my butt in `Where's Waldo'.}

5. The boys are crazy over board games. Hours a day. Love it! (mostly love it because I don't have to play with them. Sounds terrible but you know what I mean).

6. Easter has been good. So interesting having age appropriate conversations with them about it. Kai was nearly in tears on Friday when talking about Good Friday and how Jesus died on the cross. He has become a lot more sensitive lately, maybe it's an age thing? I love talking to the kids about grace and forgiveness because they (especially Kai) get it...I mean, how many times a day do we talk about being sorry for the naughty decisions that they (or I) make.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend.

Love, Louise

PS Gas prices are CRAZY.

April Fools and Feeling Like a Whale

Hey team, thanks for all the love and encouragement for teaching a photography course! I am trying to figure out if I want to do one before the baby or if it's wiser to wait. Family first:) We have three weddings and then I also have 3 family sessions before babe is here and I think that might be my limit! As for our name, GC Photography it will remain. Easy!

I'm having a hard time blogging about our life right now because my friend Tessa suddenly and tragically lost her little brother this week. I know life goes on for everyone else but I just feel so bad for her and her family. Tessa and Simon have already experienced so much loss in their life....so sad.

Nothing much new here for our family. The boys were excited that today was `April Fools Day'. They were trying to figure out what that really meant. They thought they were funny when they sat in each other's chairs for breakfast this morning. Then Kai repeated everything we said. Then they tried to come up with pranks, especially since we would be seeing Opi (my dad) later on. Koen thought that spitting at him would be a great trick, that was a good conversation to have before we actually saw my dad. They decided on putting soy sauce in his coffee (which was a better idea than Koen's idea of putting a banana or pizza in his coffee). They thought they were hilarious when he drank it.

I had my midwife appointment on Friday. I'm huge. I gained way too much weight this month. An abnormal amount that concerns me. I'm assuming it's thyroid related as I'm exhausted as well. I will go for a blood test this week. I haven't changed my diet or exercise so it's strange that I would gain 12lbs in one month. Yes, 12lbs. Should be more like 4-5lbs. Yikes. Not healthy. I feel like a whale. I was feeling beautifully round and pregnant up until a few weeks ago. Now I just feel very, very large all over. Not looking for any reassurance or encouragement here, just letting you know how I feel:)

This is where things get a bit less fun...the swollen ankles and fingers, peeing your pants, heart burn, clothes that are too tight, non stop Braxton Hicks like never before, constipation, you know...fun times. I still do feel much better than I did with the boys and I think it has to do with not being on my feet teaching. Babe is now head down which makes me feel like my stomach is the size of a golf ball and I can't get much food in there.

I'm just waiting to get my maternity pictures and then I'll print them and finish up the baby room. Looking forward to having that done:) Likely babe will be born around 39 weeks which means I'm just 7 weeks away. Wowsers. Hopefully babe doesn't surprise us and come out a boy because we do not have a boy name. Girl name is good to go.

I hope you had a good weekend.

Love, Louise

PS Three year olds are hilarious. On Friday, I took Koen to the park and he wished every single kid there a `Happy Chinese New Year!'. Silly goose.

Maternity Photos!

You can check out our maternity session that we had in Victoria here. I'm so glad we did it as Megan and Steve always do a great job and we haven't done maternity photos before. It's a bit scary being on the other side of the camera but it's always worth it! Please leave them a comment as we photographers like that sort of thing:)

PS So glad we did it in Victoria, it's so beautiful there!

SUNSHINE

Gary and I had a wedding to photograph today. If you are not from the Lower Mainland, today we had the nicest day weather wise we've had all year. It was fantastic. Gary wore sunscreen. I sweat a little. Oh sunshine, I love you. We only photographed the ceremony, family photos and the formal portraits (maybe 3.5 hours total) and I was exhausted. Wow. We have three more full weddings to go before babe arrives and it should be interesting to see how my body does. My feet and hands are starting to swell and I am very short of breath. However, I do feel so, so good!

{On our way to the wedding, we stopped by Fort Langley to check out this wall that we've always wanted to use for photos. We didn't use it for the wedding today because it was in full sun by the afternoon but I do love it! Also, just want to point out my new chalkboard pen. If you are looking for one, it's from Opus. Just $4 and it wipes off with water.}

People are now asking me all the time when I'm due as though I'm about to give birth. They are shocked to hear that it's not til the end of May. Yes, I am big. Yes, I get really big with each baby. I have to say that whenever I see someone running, I wish I could run. I haven't really enjoyed running since before Koen was born but it was something I used to love. I'm pretty sure I will get back into it again once babe is about 6 weeks and I'm `allowed'.

For some reason, I'm sort of grieving that this is my last pregnancy. It's gone so well. It's such an amazing process. I'm so thankful that I have been able to go through it. I know that having another child (via adoption) is a possibility so that is still exciting but the likelihood is very low based on my husband's lack of desire for 4 kids (understandably!) and the long, long journey to adopt. I am appreciating every minute of this and am not ready to meet this babe yet. It's coming up fast! Compared to her brothers, she does not move much at all (which of course freaks me out at times). She is most active from about 6-8pm but that's about it.

{Kai learning about measuring in cm. He LOVES his math book. We spent 2 hours yesterday learning about money and measurement. I love that he loves it:)}

Because we had a wedding today, Grandma and grandpa took the boys overnight last night!! Yay!! Gary and I went and saw `The Hunger Games' which I have been eagerly waiting for. I really liked the books (like 8.5/10) so I could not wait. The movie was good but the movie is never as good as the book:( So, I say it was about 7/10 and Gary just gave it a 6/10. It just didn't feel as intense as the book, you know? Still, so good to go see it. We then went for sushi afterwards. Yum.

Finally, don't get me wrong. I love family time but wow, we have had a LOT of family time over the past two weeks. I think I'm ready for Gary to go back to work and for Kai to go back to school. I feel like I just need some `Louise time' but not sure what that looks like. Maybe aquafit on Monday.

Oh ya, I didn't tell you about our kitchen. We officially signed a contract for new cabinet doors/sides etc. Not all new cabinets, just refacing them. They will be `chocolate pear' and very nice, and you know, a few thousand more than we anticipated. Yikes! It's the last thing we wanted to do in our house so then we will be done and I will love it.

And to all you 200 people that read this blog daily (or at least click on it to see the blog links on the side), you can comment you know:) It's so crazy the random people that tell me that they read this blog. I don't think this stuff is very interesting but thanks for caring about our lives:)

Have a wonderful rest of the weekend!

Love, Louise