Are You Ready to Let Your Creative Side Out?

I had been photographing families and weddings for several years when someone asked if I considered myself a photographer. I responded with "Not yet". I was self taught and therefore felt I needed credentials and experience, which is somewhat true, but I was working at the craft already so looking back, yes, I was a photographer. Why the insecurity and self-doubt?

Resetting

Have you ever had a stage of fight or flight? I feel like I've been running on adrenaline, coffee and prayer for three months and now I can exhale and breathe. Along with the regular hustle and bustle of two boys in a busy ball hockey season (five nights a week between them), we added two extra kids to our crew as an emergency placement. As of this weekend, these two kids in care now have a long-term loving home (which was a daily prayer for us–so thankful) and we can get back to resting and recovering and preparing for summer.

What is my current plan for the next few weeks?

Taking Care of Me

Apparently it takes me multiple experiences to learn the same lesson: I need to take care of myself first.  I've been inching my way in the right direction for a while now but it's time to get even more focused. We all know that self-care is important but sometimes we trick ourselves into what that looks like or that we'll get to it "soon".  Maybe I'm conceited and prideful thinking I can do it all–I need a good dose of humble pie, over and over.

Being part of various communities from fostering to special needs to faith to work, there is a lot of pressure to do all you can to help those you love. You feel like you are doing a lot and then see that someone else is fostering three kids and you just have one. Someone else has more difficult struggles in parenting.  Someone else is helping out at Sunday School every week AND organizes a meal train AND leads a Bible Study. Someone else is working full time and their kids are still in activities. What? How can I keep up? Where is the line between being there for others and being the best that YOU can be? I know that comparison is the thief of joy but I do truly wonder how others do what they do. I know I need to reevaluate what works for our family frequently as our needs are constantly changing. I need to stop comparing what I can or cannot do.

Rest Is for the Strong

What is my hope for 2017? Rest for my body and mind. This past year was hard for me with struggles in parenting (the monotony and busyness having four kids, special needs, fostering etc.) and by September my body shut down. At that point it's not like you get ample sleep and you're back to normal, it took a couple months of purposeful rest, vitamins and fish oils, exercise, counselling and intentionality with my time to get back on track. I've had hard years and months before but when you have others to care for, recovery is different; there's less energy for yourself, but at the same time, there's more people to get healthy for.

Investing in Yourself Through Self-Care

Self-care is taking the time and putting in the effort to work on our physical, mental and spiritual well-being. This concept is not something that I grew up with other than being encouraged to stay away from various substances for my overall health. One very important distinction made in Pyschology Today by Christine Mienecke Ph.D. is that self-care is not self-pampering or self-indulgence because that is just a temporary fix and doesn't work on the root of the matter. That new purse or manicure isn't going to make you feel better long-term.

I am not a health care professional or counselor but I am a 38-year-old type A mom of three biological kids and one foster child who has struggled with an autoimmune disease. I know the impact that stress can have on my life and have learned various ways to deal with it.

Here are 10 ways to take care of yourself in order to help have an optimal state of health:

What is Situational Depression?

This year was exhausting mentally, emotionally and physically. Adding another child to our home through the foster system with less support and higher needs than expected was harder than I thought–that doesn't mean it isn't worth it, it's just that it used up most of my energy that I had. Several months ago we received some information that affected our family and meant that even more would be required in regards to my time and attention. I felt that my energy reserves were depleted and although I knew I could advocate and learn and do all I needed to do, I didn't want to. I felt like I had nothing left in the tank to give. My body responded accordingly and shut down. I wanted to just stay in bed but I was able to still parent– anything beyond that felt like too much.

Five Self-Care Ideas for a Frugal Introvert

Being a busy mom of four kids, I have realized that in order to be the best mom and wife that I can be, I need to take time for me. This is nothing new to most of you but how I do it might be different. I know some people would say "Go to the spa!" or "Go shopping!" or "Have a girls' night!", and these are all great options, but I don't enjoy spending money and I really get exhausted by the noise around me daily, so I enjoy a good escape. I used to be a quarterback on a women's flag football team and that was good for my soul, but that was when I "just" had one and then two kids. Now, my escapes need to be shorter so I try to do almost all of these daily.

Here are my five self-care ideas for a frugal introvert:

Ten Things I Enjoyed on a Kid-Free Day

As I drove down the highway, I could feel the 327 tabs open in my brain slowly close. Appointments–close. Preschool–close.  Laundry–close. Grocery shopping–close. Field trip forms–close.  Library books–close. Emails–close. The pressure in my mind started to alleviate and tears came to my eyes.  Having four kids can be overwhelming at times; throw in some sleep deprivation and special needs and it's almost a constant state of stress. To be surrounded by the noise that my four kids create can be just too much for this introverted mom, and so, I decided to leave my family for 24 hours. On my own.

What did I learn from this time away?  Without kids, I could...

1.  Pee when I wanted to.

If I felt like I needed to use the bathroom, I did. I wasn't trying to herd four kids around while making sure that their stomachs were full and their shoes were tied; I could listen to my body and just go. Usually, I forget about it until everyone's contained in their seatbelt and I remember that I really, really need the facilities. Not only did I get to go when I wanted, I could relax while doing so; I didn't need to fear that my three-year-old would unlock the door and take off (while leaving me exposed yet again.)

2. Browse for food until I found something that I wanted.  

Let's be honest, normally we just pack sandwiches and granola bars for the kids when we go out because, well, money. If we decide to be fun and try to find a place to eat, there's not a lot of time to think before the kids get really adamant about where each one would like to go so we need to make a decision quickly. I spent 20 minutes looking around the market until my stomach decided it wanted a ham and cheese croissant warmed up.

3.  Wait as long as I liked to get my food.

I ordered a delicious grilled cheese sandwich from a food truck with a long line. I didn't have to worry about having toys in my purse or a bathroom nearby; I only had to enjoy the scenery and listen in to see what each person ordered ahead of me.

4. Walk as far as I wanted.

I didn't have to think "Okay, if one or two kids decided that they were too tired right now, could I make it back carrying them?" "How many kids could I fit in the stroller if I had to right now?" "If someone had diarrhea right now, where is the closest bathroom?" I think I worry about bathrooms a lot but if you've been in my shoes this is a fair concern.

5. Soak in the details.

Usually I'm occupied keeping a continuous eye (or hand) on the youngest two if we are in an urban area. Okay, it's not just the younger two, I need to make sure that my six-year-old isn't eating or licking something strange either.  With  my hands in my pocket, I looked up, down and all around.

6. Drive without a map.

It didn't matter how long it took to get to my destination; I knew the general direction and I would get there. I didn't have to worry about high-pitched screaming and head-locks in the back seat of the van which would require the quickest route to try to maintain my sanity.

7. Sip and savour my morning coffee.

There was no gulping down the second half of a cold cup of coffee. I took my time eating too. My kids engulf their food and once it's done, they're out of control again so Gary and I usually pound ours back, too.

8.  Lay in my hotel bed DURING THE DAY.

For two hours I laid in bed and read a book, surfed Facebook, and ate a dark chocolate bar. Then I took a bath (first one in three years–don't worry,  I shower daily) and returned to bed to read some more. Now that is the dream!

9. Ask myself what I wanted to do.

"Hey Self, you want to sit on the bench for a minute and relax? Do it." "Hey Self, you want to go back to bed in the middle of the day? Do it." "Hey Self, you want to go into that store with a whole bunch of breakables? Do it." "Hey Self, you want to drive to three different look-outs to just get out for a minute? Do it." What do they call this? Self reflection?  Being selfish? Whatever it was, I loved it. There was no wondering about all the possible factors that could come into play leading to an even larger number of outcomes, it was so simple.

10. Reflect on how awesome my husband is.

Nope, he didn't hack my list. So often I am consumed with everyone's immediate needs that I fail to recognize or acknowledge how supportive my partner is. With all those other tabs closed, I could just think about how blessed I am. He wasn't sure if I wanted him to visit me while I was away but I did. He got a babysitter, drove 45 minutes to spend an hour getting dessert with me, and then drove home. It was our first real date other than a Netflix date on the couch in four months. Usually we are much better at dating but with the the addition of child  #4, things are going to be different for a while and we're both committed to making our marriage the best that it can be (which is hard work by the way!)

What I've realized is that although it was dreamy to escape for 24 hours, I can add pockets of rest and relaxation to my every day by being intentional and prioritizing it.

Instead of checking Facebook from 8:00-8:30 pm, I can take a shower and climb into bed to read a chapter from my book.  Instead of always encouraging a family walk, I can get out for a walk by myself.  I can afford to book a massage and I can make time for a yoga class. Taking care of ourselves is unbelievably important, not only in regards to being happier at home, but for our overall health.

I had forgotten how to listen to my body because of all the noise – both in regards to decibels and in the busyness of life.  If you had 24 hours to yourself, what would you do?  

Love,
Louise