Teething Pteradactyl

Oh man...Koen is a bit of a monster these days!! I know it's his teeth, I have to remember to give him his teething tablets more frequently. Two teeth are through and 3 more are just below the surface. It doesn't help that he fell down a bunch of stairs today either...he is one tough cookie! He has an insatiable appetite. Not for milk (although he loves it and is fine with breast milk or whole milk), but for food. He will eat more than Kai. He will screech and claw at whatever I am eating. He likes everything and anything, except for scrambled eggs. His newest love is vegetarian chili. I'm not a fan of this screeching and grunting. I guess I should be working on signs with him but Kai spoke quite early so I guess I'm just hoping for the same thing:) Koen is pretty tiny. I mean, he hasn't gained any weight in about 3 months (which is totally normal) but he just looks so small walking around...all 21.5lbs of him.

Kai is awesome. Today when I told said that I was leaving his room (we were playing) to go downstairs, he said, `I'm really not impressed'. He is learning all of his shapes at preschool and yesterday they covered triangles and octagons. They made the shapes by gluing Q-tips onto paper. I guess he knows how to glue now:) Kai is big. Like stocky. I can't imagine what he would look like if he didn't eat as healthy as he does. His favourite snack of the month are apple slices. He probably has 2 apples a day and would eat way more if I let him. We do not let him eat junk food, although he has been having a small smartie pack every other day or so (left over Halloween treats). I guess he also gets a super dilute hot chocolate every day...I don't know what he would do if he had a real hot chocolate one day and found out how much sugary cocoa is really supposed to go in there:) It's a good way to get him to drink a lot of milk. I find that he is really affected by sugar, not so much in energy, but in attitude. I don't need any more attitude, thanks!

Nothing really new here. I'm not enjoying this weather, it keeps us so cooped up in the house as it is so cold and windy out there.

I am feeling very `different' today. Just extremely tired (and I slept well last night) and cold. Frustrating. My heart rate is way down so I don't know which meds I'm supposed to stop taking...maybe the beta blockers? I don't know. I have started a new blog devoted to my thyroid so that I don't bore you with it here, and, I'm hoping it may be a resource for anyone who ever goes through it. I'm nervous for maternity leave ending in 2 weeks. We have never existed on one income before. Gary is not concerned, but then again, not much phases him:)

My dad has officially moved out of his house. Sad. I went there last night, and it was him and I sitting on the only two chairs left in the entire house and we talked about he good ole days. Maybe therapeutic? Okay, better figure out what Kai has gotten into....

Graves Disease

Okay, so I got a call from my endocrinologist today and she told me that I have Graves Disease. I did not expect this and was somewhat upset by this news. It's not terrible. It's just that it lasts a whole lot longer than what I had first been diagnosed with, potentially my whole life. Originally, if `just' Post Partum Thyroiditis, I would likely be 100% within 6 months. Now, I will be on my meds (PTU and beta blockers) for 2 years and then may be in remission for 6 months to life. It also has the added lovely physical characteristics of bulging eyes and goiters. Fortunately, my goiter is small, you can't even tell I have one. I don't think my eyes stick out, they just look different from the weight loss. I only have minor muscle pain around my eyes so that's fine with me.

For anyone that has had thryoid issues, you know how confusing it can be. How it takes on so many forms. How symptoms are always changing. How frustrating it is. I think I'm going to let myself feel sorry for myself today and then I will figure out how to best get better. I meet with a naturopath next week, as well as my doctor. I get to go see my endocrinologist again in a couple of months (LOVE SPECIALISTS!!). Fortunately, my thyroid hormone levels are approaching normal (as indicated by my blood tests and 7lb weight gain this week alone! :) The only new symptom that is bothering me is what my endocrinologist said was due to coronary artery spasms....it basically feels like angina or an anxiety attack. Squeezing in my chest. Apparently it's okay as long as no other crazy symptoms occur with it. I just feel really bad putting my body through all of this, I'm sure the long term consequences will not be good. Although, I had no problem smoking as teenager:)


What causes it? There may be an inherited risk (interesting...my mom was always thin but she always had low heart rate and blood pressure so I doubt she had it). Also, one of the major stressors that may cause it is loss of a loved one. Seriously, that is the one stressor that every site quotes. Now, not sure why it would occur 3.5 years after the death of my mom, but that could be a contributor. Maybe it is somewhat related to my dad getting married and the finality of dealing with my mom's death. I asked my endocrinologist what causes it to reoccur and she said it could be stress so I will do all I can to live a life that is as stress free as possible (yes, I do try to control everything). I do have to say though, that truly, everything does happen for a reason. I'm just so thankful that I do not have cancer. I have something that can be controlled by meds and allows me to live an almost 100% normal life. So what if I may never run a half marathon again, I never really enjoyed them that much anyway:)

PS I do want to say that I recognize that my Graves Disease is nothing serious in the big picture. My best friend (Lynette) has a brother, George, who is awaiting his double lung transplant for his Cystic Fibrosis. He has been waiting for 11 months now. There is a special on `The Passionate Eye' tonight called `65 roses' which documents a young woman's journey of a double lung transplant in the same hospital as his, similar journey, and he knows her. I'll def. be watching it. I could write so much on Lynette's family and the journey they have been on, her family is truly inspirational and I just pray for a happily, healthy ever after for their family. Appreciate your health, people!!

PS If you have Graves, or know someone who does, can you leave me a comment? I would love to email with others that have it!

Movie Night

I can't remember the last time I actually watched a DVD...does my yoga video count? I just didn't have the time, patience, or one that I really wanted to watch. Well, I've been meaning to find a movie that Kai might like since he has only seen `Cars' (which I have never even watched with him). Last night, as a family, we watched the first half of `Up' and this afternoon we watched the second half. There was something really nice and cozy about all of use cuddled on the couch, under our warm blankets, in front of the fire place, watching a movie together. I loved it. Koen spent that time walking around holding onto his two drum sticks (which he holds onto all day...sucking them and banging things) and periodically coming on the couch to jump on us.

Kai could follow the movie pretty well but we did fast forward the first 5 minutes as it was incredibly boring for him. It was nice to do something different as a family, usually we just do family walks but now it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too cold! Snow tonight?!

Can I just tell you how Koen baffles my mind? Picks things up, walks with big items in his hands, climbs on top of things, great manipulation of objects in his hands etc. Koen and Kai are so different and it has been evident from the beginning:) Kai would be more tentative and wonder if it's okay to wander. Maybe a careful wild. Koen is a `let me gooooooooo!!!' kind of wild. Let me explore! I love different.

Yay for family nights. Love the husband and kiddos!

Goodbye

We had our last official Dekens dinner at my dad's house. He has been living there on weekdays because he dislikes commuting and his new house, with Joanne, is in Abbotsford.

I am incredibly sad that the house is being torn down. Not sad because of the house but because whenever I'm there, I `see' my mom. I see her baking in the kitchen, I see her drinking tea at the table, and I see her sitting in the recliner. We spent many a nights having tea time together as a whole family (we did it almost every night, so cheesy eh?). I have no where to go to feel close to my mom anymore. I guess dad has a place up at Green lake but it's not the same.

I'm sad that my dad won't get to see the boys as often. I know it's good. I'm just one of those `hold onto every memory' kind of person! We built this house when I was 15 and my room was the one on the top left of this photo....

I think it's particularly hard because it's what I see everyday, as we are neighbours. At least Kai will likely enjoy the demolition:)

(terrible lighting in the house but Ani and Kai go wild there, running, running and running) Okay, on to happier things...

This morning I asked Kai if he wanted me to put a bagel in the toaster for him and he said, `Thank you mommy, you are so helpful!'. I find that his manners, and understanding of helping and sharing with others, has increased greatly since preschool. He always says, `What can I do to help?'. This is very nice but very exhausting having him `help' me! His preschool recognizes kids when they do good things. Once a month, they get a piece of paper saying what they've done that day and the whole class shouts hooray! Kai has gotten it both times, once for saying `thank you' and once for making room for a friend:) Now, I'm not saying he's an angel because he will still scream like he's dying when it's time to turn the tv off. He still hid his brother in the bathroom where Koen was facinated with the forbidden toilet. Kai really wants to make a `junior house' and it took me forever to figure out what he was talking about...he wants to make a gingerbread house. He even went outside, into our backyard, to get a good look at our house to see what shapes we need. My little architect?!

I followed Koen up the stairs and he went straight to his room to get Blue, his comfort blanket/doggie. He loves Blue so much. I love that he has an item that he receives comfort from, it allows him to sleep so much better. Both of my kids did not take soothers, but both love their blankies! I'm a little sad (oh boy, do I sound sad all the time? I'm not, I'm happy!) that Koen has teeth. Every other development is exciting but this one just seems like I'm losing my baby and gaining a young boy. I want my baby!!!

I got to speak at my old school for a Family Management Class. I spoke about conception, pregnancy, labour, delivery and breastfeeding. It was fun and I'm very comfortable talking about anything, especially to teenagers! I was only there for 45 minutes but it affirmed two things:

1. I love teaching

2. I made the right decision not going back. Toooooo exhausting.

I love my life right now. True, I really, really want to be able to run and hike again, but, if this is my new life, I can do it.

So hard to know what's going on with my thyroid. I feel like it changes daily. However, I know that the greatest things for me to maintain a sense of normalcy are; taking my meds, eating healthy foods, and maintaining a sense of calmness. I am so thankful that my trembling and fatigue are almost non existent.

I need to just say this.....all my life I have pushed myself. Hard. Do as much as I can as fast as I can. Have a huge to do list. Finish a paper 3 weeks early. Finish report cards first. Clean the house and bake and make a great dinner in one hour. People told me to relax. I was like, ya, whatever. Why would I relax? I have energy. My body and brain can do anything! Well, finally, I am no longer to do as much as I once could. Now, I only have one thing per day on the calendar. This is truly a blessing. I need to slow down, there is no choice. If I start to do too much, it feels like I'm having an anxiety attack or a heart attack. So not worth it.

So yes, three benefits to my hyperthyroidism: weight loss, relaxed life style, and...oh man, I forget the last one. That's another side effect. I have to write everything down. I just remember thinking there were 3 things. I'll think of it. Maybe it was that I get to stay home with my kids?

Have a great weekend everyone. Can't believe it hailed twice today! We're off the mall to see Dora and Kai Lan.

What do you think?

Based on several comments, I think we will use the funny pictures for our card....

Outtakes

First of all, Gary and I went out for dinner on Friday night. We never really go, well, maybe once every 3 months. Gotta use the coupon book! We went to Newland's Prime Rib buffet, it was all right. Thanks to Maria for babysitting! Yesterday, we did a yoga DVD together. So hilarious but easier to do it when someone is doing it too! Picture Gary and I both in our Warrior Two positions...I'll have to get a photo next time with us both in our yoga gear.

Like Andrew, I tried taking some photos of the kids for our Christmas card. Unfortunately, I did not get a keeper. I need Gary to help me with it. Too stressful trying to get two busy boys to sit still. Instead of deleting all of the pictures (Gary `makes' me delete about 75% of my photos so it doesn't take up much room on the computers), I decided to document some terrible ones first. Here are some of the outtakes...Maybe I should just use it as our card with `Hope your Christmas is merrier than ours!':)

The ones below are somewhat cute but no good ones together yet:)

Make sure you check out our photography blog...got to take pictures of one of the cutest families ever on Saturday.

Final thing: KOEN GOT HIS FIRST TOOTH! ONE ON THE BOTTOM. HIS TOP LEFT `FANG' TOOTH IS POKING THROUGH TOO:)

Up!

(All pictures taken with our 50mm lens, it's my favourite)
Risky to post on a Friday because no one comments but oh well, I've got some pictures to post. Me with my Kai bear.

Brothers. Kai loved an excuse to give his brother a squishy hug. Good thing Koen is a little more durable these days:)
I love this picture....

Wanted to get some more shots of the kids from above. I find that is a great way to get nice bright eyes. Koen didn't cooperate and Kai did, um, for a snack. Good thing I'm reading the parenting book `Honey, I Wrecked the Kids' right now because bribery probably isn't best. It just works so well...:)

Love the natural light in front of our south facing window!

Kai loves jumping from the bench to the couch. I kind of like it because he's been a bit of a chicken so far (totally because I'm a safety freak) so I like to see him being a bit wilder in that sense.

The Koke-inator has about 4 teeth on the way...poor guy. Not so fun. Also the top ones are the ones outside of the front teeth, that'll look awkward!

Realize there's very few pictures of me...I should probably get one of Gary too:)



We've got a few shoots this weekend (4 in one week!) and I'm confident the weather will not cooperate. Oh well, we'll make it work. Thankfully two are in the studio. Everyone wants their Christmas photos!

Gary is now into basketball. This is where I rarely spend an evening with my husband for 4 months. Usually (oh, this is bad), they don't do super well so don't go too far past February. I just feel bad for Gary because he is so crazy busy.

Here is the brochure that I took photos for. It's a fundraising campaign for the high school (and elementary and middle school) that we both teach at. Well, I guess that I've taught at:)

The girl below was on the cover....she's so adorable.

Below is Kai's first painting of a person and he chose to paint daddy. I was so proud of him as he has done nothing remotely close to that. Ever. Apparently he likes painting. Arms out of the head...love it:)

Over the past two days Koen has learned how to stand up on his own (in the middle of the room) and how to high five. So cute. Below is his teething face.

I had said I would stop breastfeeding him at 10 months and I think I will slowly wean him now. Truthfully, teeth still freak me out and also, I really feel nutritionally deprived. My nails are more brittle than they have ever been. I wonder if it will help with my hyperthyroidism to stop. So, I just need to go out and get the whole milk. Every time I go though, I just think, hmmm...just a bit longer maybe:)
Have a great weekend everyone!!

Thyroid Diet and Cute Kids

(Pictures throughout the post are of the kids at Derby Reach that I took before our friends goT there:)))
All right, my thyroid. I have decided not to depend solely on my medication because that would never work. I have realized how much my thyroid is affected by my day to day activities. I NEED to eliminate stress from my life, or change my attitude towards it. I was once, okay, probably always, been considered a bit of a stress case. I think Gary has taught me to calm down a bit as he is the exact opposite. Any kind of stress, such as trying to get somewhere on time (I always end up early), trying to find something that I put away, feeling like the house is too messy...makes my symptoms way worse. I need to change my mindset. I am wanting to start doing yoga to relax. Thankfully the kids don't stress me out. They may annoy me at times, but they don't stress me.

Foodwise, there is a `hyperthyroidism diet' out there. NO wheat, dairy, refined sugar, caffeine, saturated fat or alcohol. YES to broccoli, spinach, kale etc and protein. Obviously, there is no way I could stick to that exactly but I will def. emphasize certain foods in my day to day. I was not doing well on Sunday/Monday/Tuesday and I realise now that it was probably due to the Halloween candy left in our house and that I had tea on those days. The chocolate is currently in the garage...out of sight, out of mind! It's interesting how my body was craving beans and veggies, and that is what I am supposed to be taking. Tonight, we will be having this for dinner, but with chicken in it too.

Forgetfulness. I am very forgetful. This is tough for me as my mind was once quite sharp. I call and email the wrong people, forget names, forget to buckle Kai up (twice!) etc. I need to write everything down on paper and I def. need to buy one of those medicine dispenser holder thingy's because I can never remember what I've taken or haven't taken. I'm also going to be adding a whole bunch more vitamins and supplements because when your digestive system is working this fast, you don't get to absorb all you need to. You should hear my stomach at night, it sounds like there is a bear in my stomach.

I really want my body back to `normal-ish' because we would like to have a third child if possible. Right now, my hormones are so out of sorts AND I'm on medication that I couldn't take if pregnant so there is no way we could even try anytime soon. I know I would likely have to go through all of this again, if we had another child, but at least I sort of know how to deal with it?

Gary and I are going on a date on Saturday night, should be good! My sister is watching the kids. It's so good swapping babysitting with her. We usually do it after 7pm so the kids are already in bed:)

Gary and I have been contemplating how to use our photography skills to help the school raise funds. We are currently in a huge building project. We may have come up with something and I hope it works out. I mean, it's not huge amounts of money, but it's something we can do to contribute. I will post more on it when we've got it all figured out. I was asked to take pictures for their current `Imagine' campaign and Gary brought the brochure home yesterday. It was fun doing because I got to visit the elementary and middle school too. Cute, cute kids! I'll have to post a picture of it later.

Well, I better post this before the power goes out. Bit of a wind storm here today. In conclusion,
MY

KIDS

BRING

ME

SO MUCH HAPPINESS!

Big Changes

So, over the past 2 months, since I have been quite sick with my hyperthyroidism, I have been contemplating whether or not I could return to work. I finally made a decision two days ago. I don't think you know how much I went back and forth and it was honestly the hardest decision I've ever made. Many nights where I didn't sleep well at all. It consumed my thoughts. Gary didn't want to talk to me anymore because it's all I talked about. There is no way I could return. I mean, I guess I could teach, but then Gary and the boys would get nothing from me but an extremely irritable, exhausted wife and mother. I have a feeling my condition would also get worse from the stress of getting the kids to daycare and running around at work all day. Teaching is awesome but it is exhausting. It's like a fetus, taking all of the nutrients from your body, leaving you exhausted:) You love the fetus, but still, exhausted.

This was such a hard decision for me. I love my job. I love where I work(ed). I love teenagers. I love science. I love getting out of the house without the kids. I didn't want to let the school/staff down. But, if I have learned anything over the years, it's that my kids are only little once and being a wonderful wife and mom is my priority (well, along with my health).

When I told my boss I wasn't coming back, I had a mini panic attack. For real, chest pains and everything. I have never not brought in an income. Well, I guess when I went to Kenya, but then I didn't have kids to provide for or a mortgage to take care of. Because I have the ability to bring in some money via photography, we should be okay. Well, as long as there isn't another van incident (sidenote: we had to bring it in AGAIN but it was a wire that had come loose when they were replacing the transmission and they fixed it for free)! I also feel the need to do photography because it keeps me busy and it's something I can do with my `condition' (one hour shoot and then sit on my butt in front of the computer). I am so thankful for this. Usually Gary and I do shoots together, because it's easier and a whole lot more fun, but we have done some by ourselves. I will try to do more on my own because Gary is busy enough with a full time job and coaching basketball.

So, the kids will have me around all the time. I'm worried about this in a way because it's really tiring for me to go out with them, but at the same time, I go a little crazy staying at home all the time. Socializing is absolutely exhuasting. I think going for walks, with them in the stroller, will be good. Maybe getting out at night by myself will also be good. Kai being in preschool 2X per week is very good for me, especially because he doesn't nap anymore. I use that time to work on photos, and he is having a wonderful time learning and expending all of his energy.

I was in the church nursery a few weeks back, and just being in there for 2 hours destroyed me for the entire day. I want to be normal so bad. I hope this is not my new normal. Went for blood tests again today, I appreciate my doctors monitoring me so closely. I know it could be so much worse so I'm not feeling too sorry for myself:) Today was a bad day. My heart rate was up again and I've kind of felt like passing out. I can totally function though so that's good. I had a good Sunday, so I went for a 6 minute run, and then my heart rate was at 200bpm. No running for me.

I don't plan on being a full time stay at home mom forever (not that there's anything wrong with it!). I just feel that it is very right for me at this time. You never know what's ahead, whether it's good or bad, but I do know who's in control. Not me! Ms. Contorl Freak has had to let go of the control. I'm very thankful for everything in my life, well, besides my thyroid, it's kind of um, driving me nuts. My prayer is to get my health back and I can't wait for the day when I can look back and say `Wow, I never thought I would get out of it but I'm so happy I'm better now!'. One day. One day.

10 Months Old

My baby is 10 months old! He is so full of energy and loves exploring. He is pretty much an energizer bunny, just go, go, go all the time. He loves clapping and playing everything like a drum. It makes meal time nice and messy!

(The high pitched squeal)
At this age, Kai was laid back and observant. Koen is easy going and VERY hands on. He doesn't want to just watch something, he needs to MOVE. He needs to go to everything, touch it, manipulate it. When he sees something exciting, he just starts clapping away. Sometimes when he's crying, he'll clap too:)

He loves `Blue', his blankie/doggy. He'll sit in his crib for half an hour just sucking on Blue's ear. As soon as he's sure I'll pick him up, then he will release `Blue'. It is def. similar to Kai's relationship with Bubi and I think we need to find another `Blue'!


He is still working on his first teeth and just sucks on his hand a lot, or just makes sucking motions. He has started sticking his tongue out now and doesn't appear as tongue tied. He has started to climb up on things and can squat to pick up a toy (while not holding on to anything!).
He now sleeps from 6:30pm to 7:30am due to the time change.


He was H1N1 vaccinated today and just cried for a a few seconds. My brave boy. He is also 22 lbs but not very tall. He is so easily consoled, just pick him up and he's a happy little boy.
We are so thankful for our little guy. He has brought us so much joy and happiness. He makes us smile inside and out. Love you bubba!