Wordless Wednesday | My Loves

I Want My Mom

Sometimes it just really sucks. Sometimes I think about it and it's so surreal that she's been gone for 4.5 years. Sometimes it makes me mad. Sometimes I wish she was here to cheer me on through life. Sometimes I wish she was here to watch the kids for me. Sometimes I wish she was here so I could see her play with my kids. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if she still lived across the street. Sometimes I just want to tell her what she's missed in my life. Mom, did you know that we finished our basement? Did you know your house is no longer there? There are 6 houses in it's place and the people there don't understand the unspoken rule about parking in front of their own house (they park in front of ours). I'm a photographer, I'm not teaching anymore! I have Graves' Disease but I'm getting better. I have two beautiful boys that talk about oma in heaven but will only know you by my words. We are adopting a baby, can you believe it? I miss my number one fan and supporter. I want my mom.

Kai Bear

Kai's latest loves are the following:

1. Numberjacks. It's only on from 2:15-2:30pm daily so Kai wants to skip preschool to watch it. We are old fashioned and do not have a PVR. I ordered Numberjack books off of Amazon and Kai loves them.

2. Transformers. I just bought him a Transformer bathing suit and am the coolest mom in the world.

3. Dinosaurs. He has a Dinosaur Train colouring book and he will sit and colour for about an hour a day. Awesome!

4. Food. By the time I come downstairs at 8am, he has had two breakfasts already. He likes everything except for cream sauces and cheddar cheese.

5. He still loves Koen a lot and they love being silly together. Especially running around half (or not) dressed.

6. Preschool. He loves it. He has been writing his name for a few months but recently started putting more effort into the `k'. It was always `Xai'. He is so social and loves that aspect. We are currently making our biggest parenting decision; where to send him to school. The local new school just one block away OR the Christian School which is a 20 minute drive away.

7. Sleeping. He loves his bed and his Bubi and loves sleeping alone. He falls asleep about 2 minutes after laying down. I wish I could do that. He has been potty trained for 1.5 years but not at night. We have tried with some fantastic incentives, and even bringing him to the bathroom at night and restricting drink after 5pm, but it hasn't worked. I guess his body is not ready and I'm okay waiting 6 more months or so. I know he has tried his best.

Overall, Kai is an energetic and sweet boy. I'd actually consider him to be quite gentle as well. He is cautious but confident. As a former teacher, I'm uber sensitive to `acting out in class' type behaviour, but as my sister pointed out, I need to look at the whole picture. He is a wonderful little boy, who seems like he is more like 7 years old, than just 4. He is a big boy. A month ago, he weighed 44lbs. His 4T pants are now too short.

Kai Bear, mommy, daddy and Koen love you soooo much! You are so helpful with your brother and we love to see you include him in all you do. You are loved.

Thoughts On Having A Baby

First of all, Kai does not colour. In Sunday school, where they `make them', Kai will do a quick scribble and then have his snack. I thought he actually didn't know how. Well, I was wrong. He has been very interested in Transformers lately. He watches with Gary from 7-7:30pm every night. Anyway, printed some off and he coloured. For one whole hour. Wow!! So awesome. I can't believe that construction vehicles, dinosaurs and Transfomers are such a big part of my life. Never imagined it, but I love it.

Okay, on to having a baby. My sister Jantina and her husband went on a holiday. My dad and Joanne had Sami (7.5 month old) and then I had her for about 24 hours. I really love spending time with her, the boys (and Gary) love her, AND I wanted to see what it was like to have a little one in the house.

She didn't want to be put down on the ground to play. We don't have our exersaucer right now so I carried her a lot. The boys, especially Koen, were so interested in her and entertained her. I have to say that because I was carrying her, dinner did not go so well (Gary was gone). I did manage to get some work done when they were all in bed at night, but it was impossible to do during the day due to napping differences.

It reminded me that when you go from one kid, to two, you have less time for yourself. Then, going from two to three kids, you have even less. I was also reminded how time consuming it is just feeding and changing and holding a little one. My boys are so incredibly easy right now and it will be quite the adjustment to go to the sleep deprived state AND running around more each day.

When I was outside with Sami, several neighbours asked if it was our new daughter:) When we first started the adoption process, we were going with the mindset that we would like a baby that was closer to the age of one. However, in most cases, the child is a newborn so that is just where are heads are at right now. I kept imagining if Sami was my daughter, how it would be to have her in our lives, almost 8 months old. It would be good.

Sami gets along well with the boys because she has the perfect pteranodon call:) Koen tried to copy everything she did (jump in the sink to have a bath, try to eat her yogurt, test out a soother...). I did have one hour by myself, with just Sami. I took her on a nice long walk and she almost fell asleep in the Ergo. That was nice. When I was with the boys, I was feeling bad that I couldn't give them 100% of my attention as my hands were full. That will be tough, but they are quite understanding.

She slept in our room and slept for 11 hours straight. I could hear her soother fall out, then she'd search for it and I could hear her put it back in. She did this every two hours or so. My kids never used them so it's a whole new thing to me. She was up for the day at 5:30am. I'm tired now. I think I will remember to appreciate my full nights sleep now!!

So ya, not too many thoughts except:

1. I totally look forward to having three kids.

2. It will definitely take some adjusting to think about meal times. Right now, I just think about it at 4pm and put something together. Not so easy when you have a newborn strapped to you and you're super exhausted and your kids are whiny because you haven't given them enough attention.

3. Totally trusting God on the timing of this. I know we could do it, and do it well, now. But, it's likely not the perfect time and it will happen at the right time..whenever that is. I keep wondering where I will be when we get `the call'. Will Gary get it? Will I? Will there be a message on the machine?

4. I'm a bit nervous about the first 6 months. The sleep exhaustion mostly. When I'm tired, everything that Gary does it super annoying. Maybe we'll get a super sleeper?! I think I will be asking family and friends for help, especially the first month or so. Just helping with the big boys, meals etc. I want our transition to go as well as possible.

Looking forward to it but doing well where we are right now!

Love, Louise

Kai; The Model

Okay, so, a friend sent me a link to have your 2 or 4 year old model some clothes on City TV's Breakfast Television. I sent in a picture of Kai and some information about his personality and he was selected. He will be modeling winter wear:) The thing is, I got more information today and I WILL BE WALKING OUT WITH HIM. So, this is good news in the sense that I will be there to support him. The bad news is that I will be on tv. I know, no big deal right? Now I have to figure out what to wear and I think I will start running again tomorrow:) Kind of fun though!!

I'll remind you closer to the date, but in the meantime, mark your calendars for Nov. 26th 7-9am!

Skipping Church...

and going to the beach. Both kids are still sniffling away so we decided to have a family day on Sunday morning. We went to Crescent beach because it was a beautiful sunny day. The sun was deceiving, it was FREEZING! The boys still had fun.

Kai dug for treasure and found some money (later I found out Gary was the one providing the treasure).

We threw rocks.

Gary took 100 pictures of my butt...I cropped this one so you can just see Koen and I holding hands:)

Koen got to hold a crab.

The boys fell in love with balancing on logs.

We held hands.

We enjoyed the sunshine.

It was good.

Crescent beach was a special place for my parents so I always think of my mom when I'm there.

It was a great weekend. Gary and I had an engagement session at Granville Island and then went to the Keg for lunch afterwards with a gift card (thanks Jen P!!). On Sunday, I had a great family session after our time at Crescent Beach. I think the weather totally contributed to such an enjoyable weekend.

Work wise I am having to say `no' to everyone for the rest of the year. It's hard, especially for people that I know really well. I would love to but I just can't. I feel so much guilt when I say no, but I'm learning. My calendar is good right now, the perfect amount. I'm really trying to learn how to set boundaries for myself so that I don't get stressed out, so that I have ample time/energy for my kids and husband, and so that I don't sit at the computer all night. Next year, I have guidelines/rules (hmm...what's the word?) for photography. We're already completely booked for weddings (we're stopping at 15 weddings in 2011 as opposed to the 22 this year..YIKES) and I'm only doing 2 family sessions per month. I have it in place because I have no idea when our baby will be coming. I think that when the baby does come, I might hire someone to watch my kids once per week so that I can work specifically on that day. We'll see...one day at a time:) So interesting having your own business! I'm loving it and learning so much.

Hope you all had a great weekend! My kids didn't do the time change so well. I've never seen Koen so upset over nothing. Rolling on the ground screaming. Totally not his style.

Have a great week.

Louise

22 Months

I'm a few days late..oops! Koen is now 22 months old. My baby is almost 2. Wow! I have no exciting pictures but I'll throw a couple in from the last couple of days. Koen is now using a lot more words, although it's not understandable to everyone:) The most he has said in a row is `Happy birthday to you' and he says it when he's playing with his toys and it is oh so cute. He also says, `Lud you mommy'. Awwwwww!!! Whenever he wakes up in the morning and I bring him downstairs, he says `Morning Tai!' and Kai ignores him so he says it over and over and over until Kai finally says `Good morning Koen'.

He totally talks the way I would talk. He'll say, `Baby! Awwwwww! ' or `Stinky! Oooooooooo!!!'.

He is strong. Very, very strong. The boys love to play with extra pieces of wood we have in a bin outside our house. Koen can carry a crazy amount, the same weight that Kai can carry, no problem. It's pretty unreal. To me at least.

He is still climbing on and in everything. He loves to hide in our ottoman and then pop up and say `a-boo!' (peek-a-boo). He eats more than Kai, especially at dinner time. Piglet. He has discovered the whole whiny, repetitive thing. `Mommy! Teat (treat)! Mommy! Nack (snack)! Mommy! Mommy!' etc. So annoying...good thing he's cute!

He loves babies. He gets huggy and kissy and snuggly before bedtime and I LOVE IT. He loves playing with Kai but is definitely his own person, he won't let Kai tell him what to do. His favourite word is `No'. Even if he does want something, he'll still say no.

My sister mentioned that Koen has a mullet. As soon as anyone thinks he has a mullet, it's time to cut it. I have no idea how to go about it but I will.....soon.

I love him to pieces. I can't believe he is almost two. So awesome but a little bit sad..my baby is all grown up! You should see him run, it's so adorable. He brings me so much happiness and I continue to be extremely thankful for his presence in my life.

I think I will do a little post about Kai in a few days because he too, is an incredible boy.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Love, Louise

Feeding Birds

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. As soon as Gary got home, we picked up Subway (Kai's favourite `restaurant') and went to Campbell Valley Park to feed the birds.

It was soooooo good. I am being more intentional about having more fun family activities. For the past two months, family time was a group trip to Home Depot. BORING.

We saw ducks, squirrels, birds and lots of dogs:) The boys love it there.

The first time a bird ate from Kai's hand, he dropped all the food because he was freaked out. I'll be honest, it does feel kind of creepy!

So, here is just watching Gary do it and trying to get his confidence up again.

Koen was holding just one seed and calling `Birdie! Birdie!', so sweet:)

They loved Gary, I think he could hold his hand up the highest which freaked them out the least.

Gary and Kai working together to feed the birds...perfecto!

Kai LOVED it. He did say afterwards that someone should cut the birds nails as they were too scratchy.

Koen's turn!

I love how Koen and the bird are looking at each other:)

Okay, my turn. Trying to be brave...

Kids totally pick up on your actions so I was just trying to be calm but in my head I was like, `Don't bite me! Don't hurt me! ahhhhh!!!' for a silly little bird.

It was fun and so nice to get some great fresh air and exercise.

We packed the boys into the stroller and quickly did the whole loop as the sun was setting and I really wanted some exercise.

A wonderful evening with my boys...and some birds.

7D

Gary and I have been talking on and off, for the past year, about buying a new camera; a Canon EOS 7D. Our cameras are great but if we want to keep improving and moving forward, I felt like it was time to upgrade the 40D we currently have (the 5D is still fabulous and will be our other main camera). We bought it last night. The 7D is great for so many reasons but for the 50 shots or so I've taken so far I have noticed that it shoots really well in low light and there is way less noise at high ISO's. Awesome for ceremonies and receptions and in homes!! It also does video which is a whole other aspect that I would love to learn and develop but don't have time for just yet..you know video and photos intermingled..awesome. I try not to think of the money (we did buy second hand, although it is only 5 months old, and will be selling the two lenses it came with) but we work hard and it's good to put money back into your business! It also has the vertical grip which I `need' and two 16GB cards. Being that my kids do not like getting their photos taken at all these days, I took it to my sisters house to try it out on her kids:)

Aren't Izzy's eyes incredible?!

Kenzie is just 7 weeks old and over 14lbs, she's huge. Very huge. She has started smiling although only when I was holding her which didn't work for getting pictures. We'll have to put her in one of her cute 6 month outfits next time:)

The picture below demonstrates the clarity at high ISO's and low shutter speeds in a dark room...shot at 1000 ISO with a shutter speed of just 1/40th (**oops, just realized it was ISO 800..sorry! Still, way more clarity at 1/40th than my 40D would've done!**).

I'm excited to have such a great camera. If anyone says that having a great camera is all you need for good pictures, I will not be impressed. You need to have an eye for it and you need to know how to use it!

I'm really hoping the weather for this weekend improves because I have 3 shoots that will be tres difficult to reschedule. Today would be a fabulous day for a photo session, that's for sure!!

Have a wonderful day.

Love, Louise

Life

{They were flying around VERY quickly trying to keep Koen away from me so he didn't need to have a nap.}

Life is good. I feel like we are into a good routine. The boys are at a stage where they play well together; usually in the basement, outside (making a HUGE muddy mess), or playing with playdough in the kitchen. We go out at least once per day; the park, grocery shopping, Home depot, or to my sisters. etc. I'm not a big play date person. I'm such an introvert but mostly do it for my kids to socialize:) I need to get more exercise in there somehow, but the boys don't do well in the stroller together if I want to jog or get a good walk in. I guess Kai could bike. I miss our family walks...somehow going out in the dark rain after dinner isn't quite the same as it was in the summer time!

Gary and I put in the closet organizer in the basement closet last night. It was not hard at all...it was just sad drilling tons of big holes in our lovely clean wall. Well, I should say mostly clean wall. Koen found a pencil down there and went to town. The bathroom will be finished on Thursday. Awesome. Some random things still need to be done like door knobs and shelves but the basement is totally usable as is right now.

I was worried about having a billion chocolate bars in our house but Kai has done well with the `two treats per day' rule; he can have whatever two treats he wants whenever he wants. I have not done so well with this rule! Yikes! At least my meds were cut in half meaning I'm a little more hyper than hypo right now:)

I've started really wanting a daughter. I think it's by being around my adorable nieces and then always photographing the most beautiful little girls ever...I know, it's not all about the pigtails and the cutest clothes but seriously, wow. I'd be more than happy with either but ya, that is where my heart is now. It was when Kai was this age, that Koen is, that we got pregnant with Koen. I'm so wishing that I knew we were `pregnant' via adoption right now. It's getting harder to trust that it will happen. I actually did discuss pregnancy with my endocrinologist. It is not in our plan at all but could be in the future if it looks like we won't be having a baby in 2011. If you haven't read my thyroid blog, I'm almost off of my PTU which means I'm almost normal (for now:). Trust. Trust. Trust. Patience. Patience. Patience.

Have a wonderful evening.

Love, Louise